SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

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emotional check: speechless. shocked. pissed. sad. undescribable. see a teeny weeny bit of hope in someone though.

yes. so the whole group of us when to school at one plus yesterday. though we were late, he shouldn't have stood us up for two hours. so what if he has a high post? does a doctorate course teaches one to be like that? i don't think so. where is his basic manners? when he finally call to see us he went for lunch. a great example for us to follow. don't think we will let the matter rest so easily. emailed him to appeal. as least i am not a barbarian or a uncouth person. trying my best to contain my temper within myself already.

when you wanna learn and acqire a new skill, you really have to give up everything. including your pride. yes. that's the way to learn. other than that you will need to have lotsa determination and perserverence and thick-skinness. plus lotsa effort and time. i know that i am lacking in some areas and need lotsa brushing up. but it takes time. i am trying to drill as much into my head as possible. i don't wanna go back to square one. but i am trying to cope as much as i can already. what more do you want. plus i am starting from the scratch. yes i am disheartened already. great. are you happy now? you are the greatest and i am just a puny soul in this arena. i just wanna dig a hole and hide myself in there. at least i can have peace in there.

why does things have to come one by one. why cant i stop and take a breath just for awhile. awhile is all i ask for. i want to cry. but i cant. and i don't know why. why does everything involve so much of emotions. i have to act strong in whatever that is going to happen next. i won't let you sense a bit of sadness. i must let you feel the hope again. i won't bring my emotions into training and other stuff. i must concentrate. it's a must. not a will. i don't wanna give up. i don't wanna be a failure. so reality, stop forcing me. please. i beg you.

things come and go. once things are done with what it is suppose to do it leaves. it doesnt care about how people feel and it sucks. so after all that i've said, avoiding is still the best solution. it isn't fair to me. why am i going through this. why not someone else. never mind. bottle up in myself again. doesnt matter especially to you. so i guess i will stop bothering about it also.

what's with the come and go at the blink of an eye. again you are being unfair. who do you think you are. and you just probably ignored, erased and refuse to reply me. so be it. pretend that nothing has happened doesnt mean that i will forget about it. plus i will worry more. not any lesser. so stop living in your world of denials.

i wanna hold onto your hand and feel your presence around me for as long as i can. at least that's something that puts a smile across me face. though i don't show it, i hope that you can feel it. you brighten up my day. and make it a little more hopeful.

9:54 AM;