was kinda taken aback for the class outing thing. i think the class is actually wuite shittified. really. so united. ok. i cant blame anyone for giving such late notie. but if you really cant make it or don't want to come at least give me a msg. ok. waited like a dumb ass for some people. but nvm at least they turned up in the end. i cant ask for more. that's what i should say. dinner was a good one. went to the seafood thingy again. though i kept getting bullied. everything was fun and fine. better that asking those people in class and see that bored faces. enjoyed myself. haha. the birthday cake for xian was so cute. justin is kinda thoughtful and sweet afterall. after so much bullying. i dont wanna get sabo-ed in 7 mnths time. darn it. how? damn! i wanna pon that whole week of school already. haha!!

yesterday was national day. went out with some of the volleyballers. a fun bunch of people. though i got bullied again. stop match-making k! i am not interested can! rah. stupid vincente. he just have to anyhow pick three guys. and one of them is like the same old person again. what's with him. if he's the only guy left on this world i rather be a nun. oops. is that being too mean. but who cares. i don't give a damn anyway. totally enjoyed myself. brilliant time indded.

was on the train home when i met nessa. am i being too ignorant for too long that i forgotten to check on some people? darn. how can i let my godsis cry for three hours and i know nothing till others infrom me. how useless can i get. i hope that she's ok. but i know that she isn't although she claims to be ok. darn. i feel helpless. just cause of my stuff, i tried to avoid everything regarding it. and in the end see what happens. if only i was there during that period of time. now i know nothing. and she refuses to tell me cause she doesn't wanna rake up the past. shucks. what have i been doing? hurting others? URGH! this is not the first time. freak it.

i'm really having the guts for the wrong things in life. what's wrong with me? i'm racing against time and a speeding car that's speeding towards me. am i just testing to see if god is taking me away? if i am doing that, then i totally failed the test. horribly. why m i doing this? is this another way of avoiding something? while my doings are causing my friend to have cold sweat, i am taking it as an excitment to challenge god. it's not the first time. and i don't wanna go back to my old self. i want all these to be over. i don't want ayone to worry for me. i need to be sane. yes i will be sane.

spoke to someone not long back and am still sms-ing at times. i din expect just a few words can actuaaly have such great effect on me. while you are depressed, i am enjoying. is it just a front to cover up everything? like a mask that almost everyone put on all the time? so much to be said but cant be said. but there are reasons behind it, i understand. nobody is to be blamed. i'll keep everything to myself ya. bottling up everything. just like you. i really wanna extend and reach out. i did it. but i am afraid. cause i know you will spill nothing. nothing at all. i wanna be numb. maybe that's why i chose the other way now though some stuff is very clearly stated already. sighs.

madeline.
03031988.
katongconvent.
republic poly.
volleyball.





WISHES
smiles.
grow taller? HAHA.
laptop.
travelling.
uni.
many many other wants. =)



-andrew goh.
-andrew tan.
-caleb.
-chinglin.
-debbie.
-eeling.
-gary.
-gillian.
-guoyong.
-ivy.
-janis.
-junguang.
-kelly.
-laura.
-lixian.
-matilda.
-mel.
-rena.
-serene.
-shaun.
-shirui.
-shuhui.
-shuhui kc.
-shuzhen.
-sophia.
-soonwei.
-vansoh.
-wilson.
-yichao.
-yikai.
-zhehang.