after disappearing for a year i am back. just need a place to rant out everything.

after all i know i cant get to sleep tonight. somehow i wish that you will be reading this post, but what are the chances of that happening?

i wanna explain - explain what's all the stuff that's going through my head. but how do i start? i don't want it to affect your decision either. thus, i chose to keep quiet.

once again, its back to the old scenes - where people are stepping ahead for the next stage of life, one which people leave me behind and move on, perhaps with antoher person beside them.

am i gonna face that all over again? after trying so hard to pick all the pieces up, am i gonna end up shattering it again?

what am i suppose to do? trust? i dont know how to honestly. i have problems trusting myself. i used to believe that being faithful will defintely be of some good. after all we reap what we sowed. but i was wrong. i am scared. more scared that you ever know.

though i have been so harsh and hard, i was still hoping of seeing you at the void deck, or outside my office. but it didn't happen. somehow i wish you will turn up tomorrow at the place that i am studying tomorrow. after all that i have said, who will?

i don't want you to change your decision or cause you any hurt or distraction just cause of my insecurities, thus i believe there will be someone better out there.

someone whom will treat you better.

thanks for everything. i really appreciate it.

yes, how i wish this is just a bad dream or spell. but i hope whatever i am doing or did will do you good. i really hope so. even if it takes me to be the bad person. as long as you are happy. i will be too.

okay i don't know how should i start this entry. but but but i am back! one more hour before i can knock off.

i think i have been indulging in too much movie. but but but i really wanna watch the louis koo one. seems good. but but but i think i have been spending too much money on it. heh. ironic i know.

work's still the same. one whole heap of things waiting to be cleared. but right now i am too tired to think about anything else after clearing one major stack. SO I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER TILL TOMORROW. lalalala

my boss says that i sound like babe when i sing lalala. die. now i sound like a pig. sighs. maybe i am just too cute. WAHAHAHA.

when to the NDP/liverpool match last weekend. the funny thing was, i felt so patriotic on sat during the parade. but on sat. i sorta didnt support Sg team. well, i guess that goes for everyone who was there to see liverpool. i think their no. 18 is good besides the few star players. the way he runs and all that is really good.

besides that i am going to take up driving practical tomorrow. i think the road users should get more road insurance when i am not the road. or maybe my instructor should just cross his fingers and hope that i don't knock a tree down. HEH.

alright. nothing is passing through my brain anymore. have a good night everyone.

when you thought you have done the right thing - to hope that things would be better in the future, to hope that misery can be placed far away for some time. in order for that to happen, you forced yourself to be hard hearted, so that you won't fall into the same situation over and over again. when all the you can do is to keep all the feelings, thoughts within yourself only. all you hope was to get some understanding. but instead all that came back was assumption and accusation. perhaps it's just a one-sided thing or maybe you were too self centered.

sighs. so not in the mood to work. just feel like slacking around and do nothing. probably it's because of the things that are going through my mind now. life and mind, please don't spin out of control.

actually how do one determine how much do they mean to a particular person? or how much does one need to put in so that things will be okay at the end of the day? and how do one determine whether it's okay or not?

please don't appear and wreck anything that's not possible anymore. not when i've decided to put everything about you at the end end of the world.

it's been half a year since i last hoped on to a plane/boat and not get singapore's reception. maybe it's time to do so soon. anyone wanna come along?

seriously the transition between adulthood and teenager life is a question mark. many of the fairy tales that we once believed have somehow dissipate with reality sinking in.

the prince/princess that everyone used to dream about is nothing but just a form of illusion - an illusion that may caused us more damages.

the politics seen around are nothing that can be acquired from the textbook. who said that studies were everything when most of the concepts learnt from the books are just nothing but theory. while working environment deals with people of different emotions and characters. no wonder kids have the most innocent nature.

frankly speaking, i think the working world had caused me to aged a lot a lot. but somehow i don't regret making that decision. actually it feels good to spend your own money rather than getting it from your folks; that make switching back to full time studies quite sucky when you have to spend tons of money and in the end may not get a good job.

and all the problems that you used to avoiding starts haunting and becoming more realistic as you grow older. maybe we were just too sheltered in the past with our parents planning everything for us. that's why we are struggling even more now.

if only we can just sail away in a boat when we need a break.

hohoho. as time passes by, i wonder how everyone's doing. hah.

well. it kinda sucks to be coughing for more than three weeks plus the flu bug is attacking me soon. and and and there's this swine flu thingy going around. will i be quarantine at home soon? lalalala.

seriously, does prestige overwhelm all the interest that one has? is that why people rather take something sucky and not know what to do in the future than pick something that they like? honestly, i think i am beginning to fall into this trap too. sighs. when pragmatism and dreams don't co-exist.

damn it. why can't some idiot at the office just shut up. so bloody annoying though i already have my earphones on. sighs. fancy an elderly acting like a kid. where's the justice?

well. another week has just past with a blink of an eye. many have adviced that once you turn 20, time passes by like nobody's business. and i can't help it but believe now.

is life really unfair or is just a balance treatment of giving you something else that the others may lack? why do people always envy this and that but not be contented with what they have that others may also lack? perhaps that's just human nature to want more, or maybe it's just materialism.

why can't people just erase their past just like a pencil marking made on a piece of paper? oh wait. it isn't that easy - the force that you used to write on that piece of paper will be the marking - perhaps everything you do will someday come back to you, be it bad or good.

why can't people have a clearer picture of what's happening when they are the protagonist of the stage play? why can't they be more rational sometimes and clear minded? perhaps that's human when feelings start to get involved - after all it's just a human nature thing isn't it?

why can't life be a more clear cut path instead of all the ups and downs? perhaps that's god's way of making us realise who really care for us at the end of the day through the various ups and downs. but what if the one that really cares is the one who dissapoints you the most, are you going to put the incident behind you all the time? will the hurt just die down as time passes?

why the paperchase and powerchase after all the dramas that we have seen on tv? though many may end up somewhere high and mighty. but it's just a show. in real life have they thought of implications on others and the ruthlessness that they will show - perhaps it's just the feeling of satisfication and the society pressure. the pragmatism of the society.

why do people like to put on a facade to cover up for all those feelings that are swirling inside them? perhaps it's just the way of looking strong, so that the last bit of pride and dignity is left for one self. or should i say the thicker the mask, the stronger you will stand out among the crowd. but deep inside you are just crumbling into bits and the mask is just a fortress bulid around you for the last defence purpose.

why do people like to escape and hide so much when they ought to be brave against challenges? even if it reflects cowardism? perhaps they are too scared to try; too afraid to lose the battle again; too afraid to show how weak they are inside.

why can't human just stop time at a certain period of time? perhaps it's just to remind every being that no matter how elated or depressed you are, time doesn't stop for you. so that you will get up and move on, or treasure the happiness that you felt at that moment. it's just nature's way of getting you to move.

why can't people unravel a mistake to save a regret? perhaps it's nature's way of teaching us a lesson - a lesson hard enough to remind us that we should not make the same mistake in the future.

why can't people just bounce back immediately from where they fall instead of sinking further? maybe it's the courage that's needed for someone to pick up the pieces again to move on. after all you don't need courage to fall further, but a lot is needed to stand stronger than before.

after all life is just another unwinding path, don't you agree?

okay. i am back after a month of missing in actions. din blogged as it didn't really occur to me that i should update. but nevertheless many many events happened meanwhile.

firstly, it was ah xin's birthday! combined presents with a few others and glad that she liked it. wah. her nephew's quite cute. ahaha. and girl time to work hard for exams. quit slacking around and watching too many shows. I WILL BE WATCHING.

then, maybe it's the final straw of it. after all the commotion, things start to dwindled. although nothing much changed and in fact got worse. in retrospect, i am glad that i have moved on for good. though part of me still thinks about it. but maybe things are better this way. at least i am able to tell myself that ten years down the road, i won't be the one regretting it.

then it was the applying on uni. omg la. everything was done on impulse. i applied on the last day's morning and rushed down to the school to drop my records. luckily my sis was nice enough. wahahah. at first i thought i was really heading for the other uni that's gonna be sponsored. but the thought of part time studies somehow scares me. i am afraid that i will be too tired and in the end flop. besides that, i have to consider other factors too. but nevertheless, that's my backup plan. i really hope that latter would not be what i will be doing. i will pray hard and have faith.

then it was my birthday! eh. to ppl who have posted on facebooks. sorry that i didnt reply ah. i will reply it soon. but stil. THANKS FOR ALL THE WISHES. i am happy enough to know that ppl remember my brithday. plus plus, i had a celebration with my fam friends and relatives. pretty cool la. all credits go to my parents though! then went to ubin to fish/cycle/slack. wah the life there's damn laid back. i can just see under the shade and watch the rain for hours and not feel anything. i wanna have that kinda life everyday man.

i guess the saying of having a rainbow after every thunderstorm is really true - after a heavy downpour, things will start to pick up. though it's going slow. but it's gonna be good. thanks for bringing colours back again. though things are a little different this time round, but it gives me a sense of reassurance.

now girlfriend. have you got the answer that you have been looking for? hahaha. if you don't please clarify.

madeline.
03031988.
katongconvent.
republic poly.
volleyball.





WISHES
smiles.
grow taller? HAHA.
laptop.
travelling.
uni.
many many other wants. =)



-andrew goh.
-andrew tan.
-caleb.
-chinglin.
-debbie.
-eeling.
-gary.
-gillian.
-guoyong.
-ivy.
-janis.
-junguang.
-kelly.
-laura.
-lixian.
-matilda.
-mel.
-rena.
-serene.
-shaun.
-shirui.
-shuhui.
-shuhui kc.
-shuzhen.
-sophia.
-soonwei.
-vansoh.
-wilson.
-yichao.
-yikai.
-zhehang.