i'm afraid of the darkness when you are not there

2010-08-06T12:27:00.001-07:00

after disappearing for a year i am back. just need a place to rant out everything.

after all i know i cant get to sleep tonight. somehow i wish that you will be reading this post, but what are the chances of that happening?

i wanna explain - explain what's all the stuff that's going through my head. but how do i start? i don't want it to affect your decision either. thus, i chose to keep quiet.

once again, its back to the old scenes - where people are stepping ahead for the next stage of life, one which people leave me behind and move on, perhaps with antoher person beside them.

am i gonna face that all over again? after trying so hard to pick all the pieces up, am i gonna end up shattering it again?

what am i suppose to do? trust? i dont know how to honestly. i have problems trusting myself. i used to believe that being faithful will defintely be of some good. after all we reap what we sowed. but i was wrong. i am scared. more scared that you ever know.

though i have been so harsh and hard, i was still hoping of seeing you at the void deck, or outside my office. but it didn't happen. somehow i wish you will turn up tomorrow at the place that i am studying tomorrow. after all that i have said, who will?

i don't want you to change your decision or cause you any hurt or distraction just cause of my insecurities, thus i believe there will be someone better out there.

someone whom will treat you better.

thanks for everything. i really appreciate it.

yes, how i wish this is just a bad dream or spell. but i hope whatever i am doing or did will do you good. i really hope so. even if it takes me to be the bad person. as long as you are happy. i will be too.

2009-07-30T02:21:00.000-07:00

okay i don't know how should i start this entry. but but but i am back! one more hour before i can knock off.

i think i have been indulging in too much movie. but but but i really wanna watch the louis koo one. seems good. but but but i think i have been spending too much money on it. heh. ironic i know.

work's still the same. one whole heap of things waiting to be cleared. but right now i am too tired to think about anything else after clearing one major stack. SO I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER TILL TOMORROW. lalalala

my boss says that i sound like babe when i sing lalala. die. now i sound like a pig. sighs. maybe i am just too cute. WAHAHAHA.

when to the NDP/liverpool match last weekend. the funny thing was, i felt so patriotic on sat during the parade. but on sat. i sorta didnt support Sg team. well, i guess that goes for everyone who was there to see liverpool. i think their no. 18 is good besides the few star players. the way he runs and all that is really good.

besides that i am going to take up driving practical tomorrow. i think the road users should get more road insurance when i am not the road. or maybe my instructor should just cross his fingers and hope that i don't knock a tree down. HEH.

alright. nothing is passing through my brain anymore. have a good night everyone.

2009-06-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

when you thought you have done the right thing - to hope that things would be better in the future, to hope that misery can be placed far away for some time. in order for that to happen, you forced yourself to be hard hearted, so that you won't fall into the same situation over and over again. when all the you can do is to keep all the feelings, thoughts within yourself only. all you hope was to get some understanding. but instead all that came back was assumption and accusation. perhaps it's just a one-sided thing or maybe you were too self centered.

2009-05-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

sighs. so not in the mood to work. just feel like slacking around and do nothing. probably it's because of the things that are going through my mind now. life and mind, please don't spin out of control.

actually how do one determine how much do they mean to a particular person? or how much does one need to put in so that things will be okay at the end of the day? and how do one determine whether it's okay or not?

please don't appear and wreck anything that's not possible anymore. not when i've decided to put everything about you at the end end of the world.

it's been half a year since i last hoped on to a plane/boat and not get singapore's reception. maybe it's time to do so soon. anyone wanna come along?

2009-05-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

seriously the transition between adulthood and teenager life is a question mark. many of the fairy tales that we once believed have somehow dissipate with reality sinking in.

the prince/princess that everyone used to dream about is nothing but just a form of illusion - an illusion that may caused us more damages.

the politics seen around are nothing that can be acquired from the textbook. who said that studies were everything when most of the concepts learnt from the books are just nothing but theory. while working environment deals with people of different emotions and characters. no wonder kids have the most innocent nature.

frankly speaking, i think the working world had caused me to aged a lot a lot. but somehow i don't regret making that decision. actually it feels good to spend your own money rather than getting it from your folks; that make switching back to full time studies quite sucky when you have to spend tons of money and in the end may not get a good job.

and all the problems that you used to avoiding starts haunting and becoming more realistic as you grow older. maybe we were just too sheltered in the past with our parents planning everything for us. that's why we are struggling even more now.

if only we can just sail away in a boat when we need a break.

2009-05-05T02:23:00.000-07:00

hohoho. as time passes by, i wonder how everyone's doing. hah.

well. it kinda sucks to be coughing for more than three weeks plus the flu bug is attacking me soon. and and and there's this swine flu thingy going around. will i be quarantine at home soon? lalalala.

seriously, does prestige overwhelm all the interest that one has? is that why people rather take something sucky and not know what to do in the future than pick something that they like? honestly, i think i am beginning to fall into this trap too. sighs. when pragmatism and dreams don't co-exist.

damn it. why can't some idiot at the office just shut up. so bloody annoying though i already have my earphones on. sighs. fancy an elderly acting like a kid. where's the justice?

2009-03-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

well. another week has just past with a blink of an eye. many have adviced that once you turn 20, time passes by like nobody's business. and i can't help it but believe now.

is life really unfair or is just a balance treatment of giving you something else that the others may lack? why do people always envy this and that but not be contented with what they have that others may also lack? perhaps that's just human nature to want more, or maybe it's just materialism.

why can't people just erase their past just like a pencil marking made on a piece of paper? oh wait. it isn't that easy - the force that you used to write on that piece of paper will be the marking - perhaps everything you do will someday come back to you, be it bad or good.

why can't people have a clearer picture of what's happening when they are the protagonist of the stage play? why can't they be more rational sometimes and clear minded? perhaps that's human when feelings start to get involved - after all it's just a human nature thing isn't it?

why can't life be a more clear cut path instead of all the ups and downs? perhaps that's god's way of making us realise who really care for us at the end of the day through the various ups and downs. but what if the one that really cares is the one who dissapoints you the most, are you going to put the incident behind you all the time? will the hurt just die down as time passes?

why the paperchase and powerchase after all the dramas that we have seen on tv? though many may end up somewhere high and mighty. but it's just a show. in real life have they thought of implications on others and the ruthlessness that they will show - perhaps it's just the feeling of satisfication and the society pressure. the pragmatism of the society.

why do people like to put on a facade to cover up for all those feelings that are swirling inside them? perhaps it's just the way of looking strong, so that the last bit of pride and dignity is left for one self. or should i say the thicker the mask, the stronger you will stand out among the crowd. but deep inside you are just crumbling into bits and the mask is just a fortress bulid around you for the last defence purpose.

why do people like to escape and hide so much when they ought to be brave against challenges? even if it reflects cowardism? perhaps they are too scared to try; too afraid to lose the battle again; too afraid to show how weak they are inside.

why can't human just stop time at a certain period of time? perhaps it's just to remind every being that no matter how elated or depressed you are, time doesn't stop for you. so that you will get up and move on, or treasure the happiness that you felt at that moment. it's just nature's way of getting you to move.

why can't people unravel a mistake to save a regret? perhaps it's nature's way of teaching us a lesson - a lesson hard enough to remind us that we should not make the same mistake in the future.

why can't people just bounce back immediately from where they fall instead of sinking further? maybe it's the courage that's needed for someone to pick up the pieces again to move on. after all you don't need courage to fall further, but a lot is needed to stand stronger than before.

after all life is just another unwinding path, don't you agree?

2009-03-12T02:40:00.000-07:00

okay. i am back after a month of missing in actions. din blogged as it didn't really occur to me that i should update. but nevertheless many many events happened meanwhile.

firstly, it was ah xin's birthday! combined presents with a few others and glad that she liked it. wah. her nephew's quite cute. ahaha. and girl time to work hard for exams. quit slacking around and watching too many shows. I WILL BE WATCHING.

then, maybe it's the final straw of it. after all the commotion, things start to dwindled. although nothing much changed and in fact got worse. in retrospect, i am glad that i have moved on for good. though part of me still thinks about it. but maybe things are better this way. at least i am able to tell myself that ten years down the road, i won't be the one regretting it.

then it was the applying on uni. omg la. everything was done on impulse. i applied on the last day's morning and rushed down to the school to drop my records. luckily my sis was nice enough. wahahah. at first i thought i was really heading for the other uni that's gonna be sponsored. but the thought of part time studies somehow scares me. i am afraid that i will be too tired and in the end flop. besides that, i have to consider other factors too. but nevertheless, that's my backup plan. i really hope that latter would not be what i will be doing. i will pray hard and have faith.

then it was my birthday! eh. to ppl who have posted on facebooks. sorry that i didnt reply ah. i will reply it soon. but stil. THANKS FOR ALL THE WISHES. i am happy enough to know that ppl remember my brithday. plus plus, i had a celebration with my fam friends and relatives. pretty cool la. all credits go to my parents though! then went to ubin to fish/cycle/slack. wah the life there's damn laid back. i can just see under the shade and watch the rain for hours and not feel anything. i wanna have that kinda life everyday man.

i guess the saying of having a rainbow after every thunderstorm is really true - after a heavy downpour, things will start to pick up. though it's going slow. but it's gonna be good. thanks for bringing colours back again. though things are a little different this time round, but it gives me a sense of reassurance.

now girlfriend. have you got the answer that you have been looking for? hahaha. if you don't please clarify.

2009-02-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

how pathetic can it get? when you thought you have put everything down. but in turn it just turn and bite you back hard. how pathetic can one get? when you promised yourself that you will be fine, but you end up weeping even more. how pathetic can things get? when all you can is to escape from all and pretend that you are strong?

time please pass faster so that i can be out of this town asap again.

* may angels let you in. hear you in my friend

2009-01-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

alright. today's the 5th day of 2009 and i already feel being drained out of energy. head was throbbing for the whole of yesterday. and today it feels as though my feet is off the ground. i think i am going to faint soon. with the bout of flu and cough has not recovered since two weeks ago.

on a brighter side, i have written down a couple of resolutions and plans for these year. let's pray that i will be disciplined enough to keep to it and live a proud 21.

speaking of which i am gonna age another year soon. sighs. it's only the beginning of adulthood and some of the worse crap have already happened. i think i need a long long long break.

i guess i am more or less decided on what to do in the next.

* just run far far away. as far as possible. as long as possible.

2008-12-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

i think flu medicine really makes one super sleepy. popped one pill before sleeping last night and i was knocked out almost immediately. but the few hours after three was quite a disaster. woke up every few minutes after trying to sleep. so in the end tossed and turned like hell. and worse of all; forgot to set the alarm back to 7.15. thus, today's cab day again. only good thing was i left home earlier than the other cab days. so was in the office early. sighs.

had department dinner last fri. was kinda fun. but being the youngest means that you are always the centre of bullying. bah. those people ah. so mean and horrible.

on a side note: christmas is this thursday and next year's next thursday too. so we will have a lot of hols for this two weeks. followed by cny next. but somehow i don't feel festive at all. maybe just maybe it's because ...

as we grow up, this world becomes more and more cruel and gruesome. especially when people you trust disappoints you without you knowing why and how. while some others are just so friendly till you don't know when they will send the dagger through your back. well, maybe that's just reality. somehow somewhat, this kinda people still exist to let us appreciate the remaining good people.

i need to make money work for me. anyone know how can i do that?

2008-12-15T17:29:00.000-08:00

i'm dying-ly tired. sighs. after the discountinuing sleep of the pervious few nights and reaching home at 12.30 pm. I WANNA ZZZ now. sighs. plus the weather's super nice now. sigh siGH SIGH.

oh well went to watch the day the earth stood still ro sth like that. the leading actress has super nice eyes la. just don't know if it has been graphically modified or what. but it's really pretty! overall the show was pretty alright. although the climax was like super super fast. but it really made me wonder what if it really happens to us - the day the world ends.

*they say when you really love someone, it's not possessive. but rather you want that person to be happy. are you really happy now?

2008-12-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

i wanna be a christmas tree. beautiful, no feelings and can make other happy too.

2008-11-30T18:01:00.000-08:00

deepest condolenses to the family and friends of the SG vicitim. may eternal light shine upon her soul.

have those terrorists realised that those victims whom have died are like themselvess too have parents and family. by doing what they have done. they have caused so much pain and hurt to others. and brought disgrace to themselves and their family.

so what if you manage to get the attention of various goverments, that didnt mean that you will get what you want. and the thing is that you took away so many innocent lives. how can you face your family and most importantly your own religion after what you have done.

and to push national tension even further, what on earth were they thinking when they fire those shots.

2008-11-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

okay world, i am back after a long break. pardon for the small fonts and everything, cause i am actually blogging in the office AGAIN.

hmm. over the past few weeks, many things have happened- some good some bad. oh well, that's how life is, isn't it? but the cycle just keeps going on.

bintan is actually a very interesting place. it's just like another extended part of singapore where you can find all the sg-found facilities, and most importantly, A LOT og SINGAPOREANS. but the extra point would be good sun, nice seaview and peaceful life.

but once you step out of bintan onto the "real" indonesia, it's a drastic difference. the environment there is just like SG back in thr 80s. everyone travel around my motobikes and the thing is that they can have more than one passdenger for pillon riding. so there can be actually the father, mother and kid riding on the same bike. on top of that, you can hardly see any cars there. i was still joking about "i should drive my cooper here in the future", hahaha. but my car will sure end up being scraped off in the workshop after a month cause it will be the top target of the people there.

another good thing is that, the seafood there is super cheap. 9 dishes for about 25 per person. the dishes included: one flower crab for each person, calamari, fish, fried chicken, pineapple, mixed soup (containing veg and seafood); kang kong, friend rice and i forgot the last dish. well, getting old la. but the food taste great and the ambience was superb cause it's just next to the calm sea.

actually, before the event, i had the mindset of changing my perception towards you. but once again, it's disappointing. you are just another superficial, miser and selfish person. thus, ii guess the perception of you turned from bad to worse instead. just fuck out of my life, i don't need you this kinda friend acutally.

on a lighter note: i got the formula on how to develop a tan that will make you look brown, not black! for more information, please contact me or better still GO TANNING WITH ME. hahaha

dear girlfriend, how come you never inform me that you change your blog add again! sad. please inform me asap okay?

i think i should inform, i think i should not. seriously, i don't know what to do. i don't wanna be deemed as someone who is sowing discord. but then again, if you learn about it later on after sinking deeper, you will be hurt even more. what should i do?

i will try to clear the air. after all the friendships are as old as 2 decades for now.

please prove me wrong, and don't try to make things better after knowing that it's too late.

2008-11-08T00:35:00.000-08:00

okay okay. reality checked - this few weeks have been the craziest days of my working life. ot-ed almost everyday, and back on alternate sats. oh well, it was suppose to be every sat. sighs. i guess life was never really a bed of roses after all. seriously, i don't know how people manage to do it everyday and still come in to work on time. yes, that's madness. of perhaps, i am just not seasoned to that level yet. sighs.

fate can really lead people round and round the same cirlcle; it brings people together, it can also separate people forever. just how ironic and contradicting it is.

2008-10-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

i think i am getting real old la. just went back to the crunches regime and now i am aching at my abs area and my neck area. imconvenient movements man. i cant cough properly. and cant move my neck without pain. bah. PROBABLY AGE IS CATCHING UP. =

went prawning last friday! omg it's fun la. but quite cruel also. especially when you have to yank the hook out of the mouth and have to stab it to death before cooking it. AND GUESS WHAT. i saw a fat rat besides the BBQ pit la. oh man. after which i forced my friend to bring home the prawns to cook instead. a new anology found: guys always end up catching pregnant prawns, and women ending up with male prawns. HAHAHA. and and and i saw a woman using a satay stick to stab the prawn. damn scary laaaa. and and and i finally know why so many people die of lung cancer here; they smoke non-stop please. just huff and puff all the sticks they have while prawning. and the best thing is that it's those super cheap skate and smelly one. wah lao. i think i will die of 2nd hand smoking soon with black lungs. RAH.

anyhows i will be going overseas again next month for a week! heh. GOING BALI. yes leave everything behind for awhile, get a tan, good food. whee! i think by the end of the day, i will be using a lot of money on travelling and food. die man. i am suppose to save.

and and and i dont know why but i keep thinking that next month is december already. i think that's because there are a lot of holidays for that month. nov has zero hols. sian. but nvm i am going away. far away from here!

actually office politics can be quite amazing. it's really like a wolf that's clothed in sheep skin. without you knowing, you might be eaten up wholely. but on the other hand, some people can remain sitting on the fence and not get involved. i guess we are still too young to really understand all this and fight against all evil. luckily, there are still a few good people around. but it's quite sad to see a group of people who don't really fancy this particular one person. on one hand, you just can't be mean to that person cause the person is really okay in person (or perhaps i have not seen enough evil to blacklist and sentence that person), but on the other hand you don't wanna have that whole group of people against you either. anyhows, i guess that's life. if only everyone can be treated fair and just.

also bought an ipod touch! pretty cool gadget la. can go online, play games, watch youtube and other videos. I NEED TO FIND A COVER FOR IT! or else it will be scratch very badly already. anyone got any ideas where i can get them cause epicentres always out of stock for those models that i want. sighs.

*whatever it is time is the essence of everything.

2008-10-07T01:59:00.000-07:00

back from the swamp of work that's piling up. bahh. it was hell over the past few days when another colleague was on leave. finally can catch a breath.

latest hobby of the month - to bring past CDs to the office to reminisce and listen during week. hah. as all the old favourites start playing on the stereo, images flashed across. hah. i should stop being emo.

i think my leg's gonna die soon. was running on the thread mail yesterday. perhaps i was too absorb in thinking about some stuff that i din realise that the top part of the cushion flab keeps scratching against my leg. at first i thought it was just some light scratch, who knows after that i examined and saw that my shoes are stained with blood; the sock too. omg la. and the moment i put it under warm water, i wanted to just die on the spot. AH! damn painful la. sighs.

if i ever stop being friendly to other people, or blow hot and cold, it's not because i don't care. but it's becasue i don't know what to do or say sometimes. hah. yes you got it right, i have my super quiet moments too. so please so not be mistaken as i am dao-ing you.

i am on a gym atitude now now now. cause i am growing fat fat fat. soon i am going to bloat up like a big ball and float to space. bah. the office should encourage ppl to walk around at least 10 minutes per day man. it's no good just sitting around! we'll get round round tummies.

copied down one part of westlife good songs:
I've been trying to reach you'
Cause I got something to say
But you're talking about nothing at all
And you're slipping away
We were crying together
It was a long time ago

* i wanna stop in my steps to think about everything that is going on around me, but will time permit that?

2008-09-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

at a glance, it's almost the end of sept already. i think i am ageing quite badly. oh man

so yes after about a two weeks break, started working again and again. new environment and all that. but the devil still continues to haunt me. damn it. sighs. seriously, those few bloodsuckers should be placed in a team to suck each other's blood dry. damn it.

should i go for a colleague's wedding? guess it was pretty random, elated to be invited. but on the other hand, there are the hesitations too. but if i really do go for it, what am i suppose to give that colleague after all i can't give red packet since i am younger than her. or can i?

over not over - i don't really know anymore. hah. just don't wanna think further or feel further. whether it's a way to fight or to flight, life goes on.

i have not received anything from you; if you said that you have been trying to contact me but to no avail.

2008-09-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

how i wish i could just eradicate all the thoughts and feelings. even the saddest song doesn't seem to relieve anything. if only we can we just turn the clock and go back to those times. maybe we were too naive back then. two years have past, manythings have changed. if only i paid more attention. if only i have not been that way, then maybe things have not turned out this way. where has the past gone to? or was it the peer pressure that forced me to react in the ways that i have reacted.

what did i do what i did?

maybe it's just fated that it's not meant to last during the last few months of your serving term.

i guess i know how you have felt back then. i've tried what i can. i don't know if it's the utmost that i can do. but my heart seems to become weaker with each silent reply. even though it seems as though i have come back again and again to try. i don't know what else can i do to say sorry and make things better.

crying to let out all emotions seems to be so far away when one can't even make tears well up. the only way is to put on a mask to retend that it's all okay, that everything's fine. so that you may be happier on the other side.

i can only hope tht things are going okay at your side and you will be happier this way.

i'll move away.

2008-09-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

had a sudden last day in the department after mistaking the last day's date. i guess everyone was stunned, including me.

had a bbq with the colleauges, had fun. thank god the good wheather throughout the day. or else it would have been cancelled.

watching mvs is a good way to get all thoughts of the head. especially emo ones. oh well.

2008-09-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

getting so bored in the office after handing most of the stuff over. trying hard not to watch any videos to keep myself awake. but i think it's impossible. =

sighs. i think i am going to be jobless soon, anyone wanna employ me?

2008-09-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

left with 6 more days in this department; the extra two more days of off discounts everything to 4 days now. how time flies, i still remember the first day of stepping into this bank, till what i have achieved now. though it's not much, but for someone that does not have any banking experience, it's enough for the time being.

seriously, i don't know if the choice that i am going to make is a wise choice or not - the next step would be quite tough and tedious considering working in this environment for the next 5 years if i manage to secure the sponsorship. it will be good in a way though; by the age of 25. i would have 3 different certs, work experience and some money.

but to many, it will seem crazy cause to work and study part-time, it's gonna be real stressed and everything. but on the other hand, if i manage to survive through and get good grades, i will be respected even more. but then again, easier said than done.

the weather for the past few days have really been crazy. the sun is glaring so brightly for a moment, and then next minute there would be gloomy clouds followed by thunder storms. no wonder they always use that to describe girls. after all, girls temprement changes like the weather - too unpredicatble.

maybe it is really right that the sadder you are, the more happy you will pretend to be. after all, no one will be willing to divulge and show all the emotions whenever they go, right?

- disappointment is the word to describe things. no idea how did things turn out like that with you putting words into my mouth. i guess it's just a misunderstanding, but no one is willing to take a stand back and give in. but the least i expect of you is to tell people that and those stuff that i saw for myself. i just can't being myself to take the first step. you might not know this, or might not even care. but not everything will go your way always and everytime. it's time to get out of your shelter and head for the grey area instead.

- as the old saying goes: you won't know what you have lost till you really lose them. sighs. is there any way to turn back time?

* dear god, please take away all the stress.

2008-08-25T00:37:00.000-07:00

todays a horrible horrible day.

woke up 10 minutes earlier hoping to get to the office earlier. and guess what the bus took 15 minutes to come damn it. after boarding the train, it the train halt for awhile before proceeding to bishan. then after reaching the interchange i missed the bus cause the queue right over there was kinda short. damn it. so wasted more than half an hour. zz.

to make it worse i realise that i din accept the acknowledgement of a certain id. then got nagged at for that. i was on leave on those few days. zz. feel like slapping someone.

sighs. things are getting out of control. what's happening?

2008-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

oh no. i just tried some funny stunts with my email and send the email to the wrong person. and the worse thing is that i have sent the email to my opponent. omg. what have i done.

16 more days in this bank. how time flies. almost half a year is gone. many things have changed; gained some things and lost some too. is there such a thing as balancing things out? when you gain something, you will also lose somethings. i guess that's life, isn't it?

seriously, i am pretty baffled and appalled at the same time. how can some people remain so childish, and worse become so bitchy after some time. please stop all the small actions, it's despicable. worse of all, how did things become like that when i have done nothing.

the weather nowadays are becoming so unpredictable, one moment it's so sunny, and the wind and thunderstorm can actually strike the next moment. and men always use thing kinda description to describe women. haha. what an accurate description.

i guess it's time to put everything in a a box and just bury it. it's part and parcel of life isn't it? oh well. easier said than done sometimes.

i wanna go on a cruise after i finish my contract then maybe recontract again. anyone wanna go on a short getaway?

2008-07-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

flying away in 4 days time!

goodbye singapore, goodbye troubles, goodbye to you.

2008-07-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

it has already become a ritual to blog before work starts. perhaps this is the time when i am super super free to do my own stuff. hur hur.

alright. so i was away for the weekends. bad thing is that i could still get SG reception, so it's not totally away kinda thing. sian. but it was a good get away nevertheless. the island only had the group of us there, so it was pretty quiet and you can really sit/LIE in the middle of the road and no accidents will occur. AND I GOT TO SEE THE FIRST FIRE FLIES of my life. damn nice and cool. but the glow was kinda flickering as they were hiding among the trees.

saw a few divers there too. dont know if they are legal one or not. but it's cool and the bbq food was good. so more or less it was a great trip with great companion. and i realise that LIM SUXIN can SLEEP ANYWHERE ANYHOW. gosh. i think her previous life was a pig! hahaha.

rah. things are not going as smoothly as we planned. god pls help us. sighs. so it wasnt that easy as it seems. sighs.

* i guess that marks the end of everything. to walk away and try not to look back. can life be less ironic for once?

2008-07-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

shucks. i am becoming more vulgar. i think i am too stessed la. I NEED ANGER AND STRESS MANAGEMENT LESSONS!

gonna go on a trip tomorrow.
cant wait to be away from this troubled place.

2008-07-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

recently. many many things happened. be it at work or whatsoever. yes another week of crazy schedule which ended up in not fulling some of it.

sighs. just found out that some people can actually hide their true colours so well that i only got to know the truth after a few months. paradoxical but that's true. and it suckss - the only way to deal with it is to not be bothered by you and get my job done as soon as possible.

went for SAC camp yesterday. pretty good camp i must say. got to know the other side of SAC, and i guess the "dislike and hatred" for them have dissipate. yes, i am starting to have a good impression of them. though they may appear to be bimbos outside. but they are a nice bunch of people if you really get to know them. plus, some of them are actually like KC. hurhur.

after that didnt go for constance's event and today's one. damn tired and just wanted to rest. slept for most of the day and read a teeny weeny bit of SAT.

i need to get more motviation to study for SAT.

but but but. recently i just met two students from SMU, and i think that their way of speaking is damn scary. too overwhelming and sorta like those with high IQ and zero EQ. thus, that led me to think about what will i become if i really enter the school. oh well.

going away for next week ends! yes. cant wait to get away from this city. monster will be coming along with me. hur hur.

* just hope that you are alright. =)

2008-06-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

ah. emo entry looming ahead. so beware and remember to censor certain part if you wanna smile at the end of this entry.

seriously time is passing like a bullet train when you have tons of things to do. days passes by without you knowing anything. and everything is just like a routine, day after day the same things happen without much changes. yes. sad life indeed. that's why we need to meet nice ppl at the work place. or else it will turn into a place where u will hate and loathe.

it's 5 mnths after the lat day of sch. but it seems like i have graduated a long long long time ago. does this happen to everyone who's working now? or is everybody preparing to go back to school already? just hope that everyone is fine. yups.

to ___: i hope that you are coping fine. hopefully you still read my entries. hur. it's been sometime since i last spoke to you or saw you. but i still browse through your blog though. and everything sounded so emo laaa. just hope that he's taking good care of you too. if there's anything feel free to contact me. you know where you can get me.

to monster: eh. thanks for everything. you need to have a strong heart too okay? life goes on and the world doesn't stop revolving just cause of one issue. hur.

to the army boys: take lotsa care and please become fitter and less flabbier. hahaha! so gonna disturb your durian heads when i see you guys. hur hur hur.

damn it. how come i never seem to be able to settle it or walk out of it? round and round i go. i need a break. far far away from it. i shall pack myself in a box and sail myself away toa far away land.

2008-06-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

when something just cant seem to get out of my mind, the song on my player will repeat over and over again.

Someone press the Next button pls.

2008-06-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

58 more days of working. how time flies. i guess most of the people out there are heading for uni already. oh well. i need to get over that grow up and work harder. dear owner, please pass some of your brain waves to me.sighs.

hk trip's gonna get postpone to aug alr. sighs. nvm gonna look forward to it. there's hol and chalet in aug. and sept i will end my contract! GONNA DEMAND FOR A RAISE IN PAY. heh.

it's gonna hit four digit soon! yayness. okay not much but at least i am trying on both sides.

*tears in heaven

2008-06-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

didnt go for lunch break again though i am not very tired today. actually lunch break is somehow one of the time that i can fork out to do other stuff. so that's the reason why i normally don't eat out but take away more often than others.

wanted to wake up this morning to study for SAT before heading to work. i think morning are the best time to study as it is the time where you are the more rejuvenated and eneergized. but but but i just plopped my head down back on my pillow and went back to sleep. too tired. that explains why i am not in the mood of dozing off in the office today. hur. but it has been a crazy morning since i stepped in.

AND THAT DAMN BLISTER JUST WUN HEAL. rahhhhhhhhh. the worse is that i keep hitting the amrs of the chair. great job done.

and the same song seems to be repeating on my player. sighs.

lets check on the stuff that i have done so far for the last few months:
1. set up a biz (but but but it needs a lot more improvement)
2. settled some of the nyaa stuff (finished community service, and almost half of the skill part)
3. joined yec and went for several events.
4. joined csc dragonboat + one competition (that one was kinda atrocious but was quite fun)
5. joined biz competition.
6. started on SATS (i need more motivation: and maybe stay away from bed to study. heh)
7. joined ymca (but have not attended any events)
8. worked for almost 4 months.

yup, so basically that's about it. okay, maybe i am suffocating myself a little bit. but oh well, since we are young, we should learn to endure a little bit more isn't it?

* so close yet so far. was that just inevitable?

2008-06-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

ultimate suay-ness and a few of injuries pls. firstly, it just had to rain while i was on my way to work yesterday. that's okay as i have an umbrella; but not so okay when there's a hole in my shoe. SO IN THE END, MY SHOES WAS SOAK. oh god. rahhh.

later while talking to my boss, i was like playing with my bracelet, then it broke. omg la. rahhhhh. there goes my starryyyyy. blah. damn it.

then when i went home, my sis wheeled the comp chair over my big toe. excellent work done, now the skin's coming off.

and then this morning i just had to bump my leg onto the table. so there's a scratch now. urgh. i think i need to go out in a space suit soon to keep myself safe and sound.

RAH.

GF GF GF! hem. i miss you!
hahaha

2008-06-07T18:10:00.001-07:00

this entry is seriously done out of boredom and to prevent myself from falling asleep. sighs. and this entry is gonna sound so so so random.

crazy sunday with crazy schedules with sleep deprived times equates to madness.

woke up at 5.05 AM today just to head to the office to do testing. gosh. but guess what the rest of colleagues had to arrive at 4 am and they still sound more lively then me. i guess i am pretty much resistant to waking up at such a time - IT'S SUNDAY SOME MORE.

expected it to end at around 7 plus. but sighs. due to unforseen circumstances, i am gonna be a jailbird for another few hours i think. and that means bye bye to catching up of some sleep if i arrive home earlier.

wanted to watch some gossip girls in the office, but guess what the videos contravenes office policies. so now i am left with blogging to keep myself awake and entertained.

blah. worse is there's db training later. i can't afford to skip anymore as the compeition is next week and i have not touched the paddle and row a single stroke before. so so so so so dead.

I WANNA CLAIM A HALF DAY BACK FOR NEXT WEEK. urgh.

13 weeks and 4 more days of working before my contract end. so that could only meant that i have worked for about 14 weeks alr. one of the longest job that i have. lalalalal. was thinking of taking a few days break before signing for another three months or sth. this time round i shant tie myself down so long so that i will be happier while counting down to the days where the contact will end. haha. living in denial again.

the feeling of ambivalence is seriously not doing any good, but what can i do? can i just throw everythingh away and embark on a long long long long vacation in an isolated island where i can just rest and think about what meals should i have and how much fun i am going to have only? sighs.

my storybook's left untouched again. urgh. i need to do some serious reading soon. i shall be more disciplined about everything that i do now. or else one year later, i am gonna start regretting all over again and then it's back to square one.

I WANNA GO HOME NOW and do many many many many other things. sighs.

met up with monster yesterday! hur. guess what she wore a dress. and being a bully as usual, i told her that we should go for a run and that no matter what she must pretend to be dman girlie and everything. hahaha.

she's gonna make ime grow fat la. firstly we had ben and jerry's ice cream at cathay. there was this guitarist who is around our age gviving a live performance ALONE. pretty brave of him i guess, after all it take a lot of courage to stand in front of the rest and perform, but he was kinda shy though. but he's cute and his vocals and guitar skills are not bad. and his gf was damn damn damn damn damn mean la. she wasn't even giving him any of her attention throughout the performance, and refuse to help him adjust the volume. so mean la. sighs. it's always like that and the vicious cycle goes on. hur.

then we walked from ps to newton circus. quite enjoyable as the weather wasn't too humid or too dry. we talked about quite a number of stuff, and ya it's is proven that girls don't always to what they say especially when it involves the matter of the heart. oh well. isn't that just typical?

i guess i was pretty fated to the place where she withdrew the money from the posb outlet. i just had the feeling that ... was nearby and thus started to walk towards the building while she took the money.

after that i told her about it while we were having dinner. slacked at newton circus for awhile while eating most of the food. damn it. she's gonna make me grow sideways la. and soon i will have difficulty and probably sinking the dragonboat. =X

then we decided to walk back to douby gaut and while walking back, we past ... again. this time round we walked by the front entrance and guess what. my gut feeling was right. sighs. how i wish i could just walk in and ................................ but .............. sighs.

*why oh why? where is the problem? are wee going to encircle the whole thing again?

2008-06-06T02:18:00.000-07:00

finally got into the system after trying for the whole day. damn network. blah.

okay. this is bad. suddenly i am speechless again. all those thoughts that came into my mind just now seem to have vanished. =

* why do some people only realise how important somethings are after they have losing them?and taking for granted before anything happens? this time it's not gonna be the same as the previous times, where everything is going to be alright after some time of avoiding, quiet and peace time. at least not to me; i can't pretend nothing has happened. it's either trying to learn to speak your thoughts and grab hold of what's important, or it's goodbye.

2008-05-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

DAMN UGLY AND UNCOUTHED

i think sales and and the giving out of goodie bags are just the most suitable scene to see how some ugly and scary people can get.

had an event yesterday where me and another member was in-charge of the logistics and goodie bags section.

at first the situation was pretty alright; in the sense that people still queue up and everything ( cause we had a damn fierce looking uncle; he's pretty good at crowd control) however there were still people who came back more than once, i just don't understand it's just a damn bloody cheapo bag and they can be like that.

later we had to give out the goodie bags again at night, and that was went everything turned ugly. seriously not for the faint hearted man.
situation no. 1:
some people actually compared what was in the bag and found out that they do not have a pen or extra calculator, so in the end they came back to complain about it and wanted an exchange or even go to the extend of looking through the bags themselves to look for a stupid pen without feeling abashed.
situation no. 2:
there was this old grannie who came in the morning to take the goodie bag again. after that he came again at night and took some more. she tried to distract us by talking non stop and just happily took 4 bags with her (before that she was rummaging through the bags for an calculator). nvm about that. after taking four bags she came back again and pretended to be friendly and everything. then later there was this cheapo who was looking for a pen that she complained was lacking in her bag. so that grannie started to skim through all the bags for a calculator again. fucked up la. then i went to stop her. and instead of feeling gulity and embarrassed she just distant herself from the goodie bag table for a few steps and act ignorant. worse stil she started muttering some rubbish to herself and stole a few glances at us. RAH.
situation no. 3:
after the concert there were a lot of left over goodie bags, so we told the audience that they could just take the goodie bag, guess what. upon hearing that they just dashed for the goodie bag like they have never gotten it before. it wa amazing to see how "big" their hands were, they could grab like 2-3 bags in each of their hands. worse still, they just rushed to the counter without even queueing, so less in less than a minute all the left over goodie bags were swept off the table. i think it is pretty appalling that such a situation can be seened in a civilised society. blah.

i think some people are just working for the sake of fame and glory. those people are the real suckers of society who do all the work just to raise themselves to another level, but when the big shots are gone, poof they go too. and they can still claim how competent and capable they are. but in fact they are the empty vessels who only know how to talk, present and boast. how i wish i can just stab each of them to death.

*i think i will have high blood pressure soon.

2008-05-19T01:11:00.000-07:00

after all that is being said and done, is there still a glimpse of hope for things to be like how it used to be?

sighs.

hopping through blogs doesn't make anything seem any better. in fact it's just like a nosedive right to the bottom of the valley.

help.

*dear heart, please be strong.

2008-05-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt that you were so sure of a certain something, but in the end it may just be a smokescreen and nothing else? that it may have meant something, but in the end your insecurity has proven it right? that it may all be a one way thing only? that you feel dumb for having to think it that way? that no matter how strong and nonchalant you may appear; you still can't avoid it with it smacking right into your face?

*it's more than words, just tears and rain.

2008-05-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

shucks. i am getting emo in the middle of the night. is this the usual time that things just keep hovering around your head and won't go away?

subtle irony is just the way it is; one moment you just wanna solve everything. but the next, you wish you just have a private boat to take you far away from whatever that is bogging you down.

sighs. why does some stuff seem so easy to attain, but once you try to reach for it, it seemed as though you have just gotten the smokescreen instead of the real destination, is that just part and parcel of life?

after almost 3.5 years of graduating, am i starting to lose the culture that i was once so accustomed to or have i just conformed and blend into the poly lifestyle? i miss the good old days. sighs.

blog hopped just now and realized that many many many people's blog sounded pretty emo recently. sighs. if only we can just draw smiles on our faces that easily, wouldn't that be nice?

sometimes a busy schedule is good.
1. it stops you from thinking so much
2. you know that you are doing something useful instead of just wasting it away.
3. after doing all those stuff, you will be too tired and will just knock out immediately after hitting the sack.

but the bad thing is that you will feel super super super stressed at times, reality and adulthood suck big time.

if only some words can be spelled out that easily. it would make everyone's life much better. sighs.

it's just unfair. some people slogged their life away and never achieve what they have set out, while some will just attain it jut by lifting a finger and will never appreciate it. where's the justice in this case?

* should i go for the media launch tomorrow?

2008-04-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

lalala. i am back here again. and todays a good day because it's labour day; which also means that it's public holiday!

heh. went out with alex today and saaw many many people: ching, ting xi, bernie,si jia and some ass. i guess town's pretty pack whenever a holiday arrive or when the weekends are approaching. hahaha and it was ting xi who recognised me first. place i was spotted was a little un-glam though. hahaha. and ching is still as hyper and jumpy as ever. too bad didnt get to meet sarah fong. actually was pretty scared that we will meet also, cause .... oh well.

my two months with the bank is coming soon. heh. that leaves about 4 months more. SIAN. sighs. sometimes it just gets too boring, but seeing my boss make me stress. wait, is the stress causing him to have so little hair ? hahahaha. a bit evil i know.

many may think that working in a bank at our age is pretty cool, glam and a stint in it will definitely help in the future. but sometimes it doesn't have to be that way. oh well, maybes that;s part and parcel of life.

suddenly i realise that i am so neither here nor there whereas a couple of them are still as close as before. is that a sign that i am not putting effort to maintain what i use to have or? sighs. can things still be the same?

* it's just so hard to grab hold of time when the clock keeps ticking by.

2008-04-21T10:33:00.001-07:00

time to clear the cobwebs for whoever that is still reading my blog. seriously, time flies like nobody's business when you are busy, much less working in the society.

its almost two mnths since i started working in .... bank. haha. shant say too much about the bank since i don't know whether it is a classified thingy or not. well. that counts down to about 4 months plus more.

well working in that particular bank isnt that bad as compared to what i have pictured it to be. it's pretty much about the friendliness and the warmth that ppl share. and what more, i have a fatherly boss. hur. or rather a gentle giant. so it pretty much sums up to a good experience for a first timer in a bank.

after seeing the huge figures and the amount the ppl earn in the bank. everything just looks more tempting. as least it looks lucrative enough to attract me. but seeing how stress some ppl are really scares me somehow. imagine the pressure that they have to put up with everyday behind those glamorous moments of fruitful harvests.

as the uni's interview and admission processing is about to come to an end, i guess somehow or other i am either one of the hopeless fews who are trying their best to squeeze into the uni, or am totally out of the waiting list already. oh well, whatever that is meant to be yours will be yours. no point forcing lady luck to be at your side when you arent fated to be with it anyway.

sighs. though the one year of hardwork that i plan has just began, i am already doubting my ability to make everything go smooth-sailing. and i can't even pinpoint whats causing this. oh well, i think i need to talk to hardworking and motivational ppl everyday from now on to keep me going. i think desperation has become my good buddy. hahaha.

i think i have too many commitments suddenly. how ah?

can someone jsut tie rocks to my feet or something to prevent me from floating about? where did the steady and calm virtues fly to? i need a net to catch them back.

i think i need a getaway to a far away island. someone kidnap me pls.

2008-03-07T12:28:00.000-08:00

=)) thanks to:
gf. keng. mel. dear. darling. swingy. lixian. peizhen. shuhui. keith. kokmun. shaun. alex. wilson. wong. tilda. roland. fuzz. weiliang. eric. wenjie. debs. jason. alan. cheryl. rena, janis. sam. amanda. jon heng. sijia. kailing. wei hong. guoyong. yihui. raymond. luke. vincente. jessica. nicq.

you guys made my birthday a happy and blessed one. thought this year will be a sad one where no one will remember. yes, pessimistic me. heh. though i may not say much, but heartfelt thanks alright? heh.

THANKS MEL FOR THE ROD. HAHAHA. I HOPE THIS IS BIG ENOUGH! hahah. first 20th birthday present cause of a hobby. we should go fishing soon. heh.

and my gf is silly when it comes to treating someone, right gf? HAHA.

nothing much happened recently except for getting a job in one of the banks. hur. the pay is relatively satisfying, and the job scope is rather cool. just something that doesn't come by everyday. it's just that the location of the office is kinda deserted. i need a full time FREE bodyguard soon. heh! any offers?

and also went for army open house. okay, the scholarship that they offer is rather attractive and tempting. especially when it is a sure thing to get into ocs and that the university fees will be paid, but but but i can imagine myself searching through the brunei jungle for directions. i think instead of leading the team out of the place, i will fail to navigate them out. how?

and the diet plan is rather successful. but but but the price to pay is horrendous, the number of visits to the toilets, the downturn in appetite and so on is enough to kill. and and and i had to suffer for three days altogether. lucky i don't have to work. or else die. but on the other hand i can get MC. heh heh.

gosh i am already looking out for the holidays though work only officially starts next tuesday. how? am i beginning to slack even before work starts? gosh. i need a motivation drive.

and and and i am still very much in love with chocolates and fresh mango. but the mango season is over. =| durian roll is nice. sighs. stop putting all these sinful food before me. =|

gonna start on abs exercise soon, gosh am i turning into one of those freaks who goes on a never-ending diet. sighs. help.

* well .....

2008-02-26T02:11:00.000-08:00

suddenly, a sense of unfamiliarity hits me. don't know why am i feeling this also. hows?

suddenly super swayed in the decision that i am going to make. oh no. what's wrong. seem to have the passion there. but there's more to it and reality isn't that friendly to anyone either. how?

can those stuff stop hovering in my mind, i really don't know what to do. how?

where's the motivation to get stuff completed? things are just piling up and i just keep postponing it. gosh. motivation where are you?

* what should i do?

2008-02-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

bleh. gonna hit the big 2 real soon. gosh. i don't want. can i turn back time? ah. people commented that time will fly pass very quickly after 20++. i don't want time to fly and i will reach the big 3 soon after that. gosh. am i thinking too much?

gosh. am i giving off the wrong vibe? die. i don't know what to do now. can some of those issue just fall into place, so that i will know what to do. sighs big time. alright. chuck it far behind in my brain, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT

left with smu application now. sighs. seriously what are the chances of entering a local uni. actually have a plan to fall back on already, but my thinking is somehow swayed by what other people say. rah. why can't i be firm of it.

lee dong wook is cute! heh. new found eyecandy! =)

self reminder: time to stop loafing around already la. please go to work. =|

2008-02-16T11:14:00.000-08:00

lalalala. this few days have been crazy man. sleeping for less than 6 hours each day. i wonder how i made it through without dozing off on public vehicles. heh.

so everyone's busy settling their university admission matters currently, while i only finished the application on ntu. sighs. somehow nus courses doesn't really appeal to me. or perhaps i just didn't really look through the stuff properly. on the other hand, to actually get myself admitted to the school is another thing altogether. sighs. oh man. should i still apply?

plus i spent hours editing the essay that i wrote for ntu la. hopefully can just copy and paste into nus application form. or maybe i should edit a little bit. in case both the universities happen to cross reference or something.

met up with zk this morning. oh no. totally didn't recognise him. in the first place, i couldn't even remember where and when i got to know him. heh. but the bad thing is that i have already pictured a certain face to be his face already. thus, it was pretty funny to see him with another type of face. pray that this deal will be clinched.

then dinner was with gf and eric at the same steamboat place. looks like i have really found steamboat kakis who will eat non stop with me for 3 hours plus plus. and guess what. they are still damn skinny la. gosh. where is the justice in this place. anyway, had a great time with them. many many more of these to come right?

anyone any recommendation to other eateries?

and that damn atm card got problem la. couldn't draw out any money just now. plus, transaction failed twice when i wanted to transfer money to another account. how?

i realised that there are many many job opportunities out there. was thinking of getting about 3-4 jobs at one go. earn while i can, but then again will i end up fainting due to exhaustion? lalala.

* don't hope. don't leap. and you won't fall.

2008-02-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

flabbergasted. omg. i so feel like rah-ing and punching you. urgh.

okay. on a lighter note, it's time to think and pen about what i should have written ages ago.

to the volleyball girls: thanks for everything that has happened and had happened. lotsa things have occurred this three years, through thick and thins, we were there for one another, be it a victory or a defeat. though i may not say much and show much, i have to say that i am happy to have known you guys.

though in the end, i did not really fulfill the promises that i made to the rest of the four of you during the Tanglin days, I am glad to see how much you guys have improved over thing time frame. though i could not be there in the court fighting with you guys, i am and will always be there rooting for you guys.

these three years have really been a roller coaster ride for the team, from a team that was unknown till a team that won something for the first time in the polite games and now still persevering and never giving up. keep the fighting spirit and never say die ya?

shu: i will miss you "i am hungry" and "what shall we eat" rantings during training. and of course those bishan late night talks to. and those times when we were pigging out at the steamboat place and how you stormed and almost slapped the woman that almost sat on our seats. anytime you wanna have a talk again, do let me know okay? i will miss all the bitching- talking rubbish - complaining - eating - yakult - steamboat - late night - sessions. love!

mel: thanks for being there for these three years. many many things have evolved during these three years, but you will always have me who will listen to all your rants. and and and your hard work and effort towards this sport was recognised at last right? stop worrying and fretting over things too, and and and always remember to smile and stop stoning so much. please take lotsa care when you go over to aussie to study. and and and yes. for once i will miss you A LOT okay? the sand wish that you made for me is still my primary display pic on my friendster. haha. i don't think i will take it off till some time later.

hazel: though you were one of the latest who joined the team, i guess i know you pretty well since you were my classmates for many many sems. thanks for all your nonsense okay. thanks for being there when i needed someone too. and stop winning so much in mahjong. 10 tais la! omg. scary woman. and and and please do not die in aussie with the four ppl. and i am not close to them okay? RAH.

rena: thanks for giving me the guidance at times and also helping me with the confidence issue. also thanks for guiding the team from a nothing to a something in the volleyball arena. please do not give up on something that you have liked and like for so long okay? your effort and hardwork have and had been seen by all. jiayous. =) and and and together with janis, stop bullying me ah.

sii: omg. you are the red first red hair girl that i saw in RP. haha. still remember those days. thanks for keeping the promise till the end of the journey. though i may not be one that speaks a lot, but i have seen how you much effort and time you have placed into this team; many changes have occurred, but never once did you gave up on us just cause of the difficulties you have faced. thanks for those efforts and do take good care of yourself ya? feel free to talk to me and ask me for opinions of stuff. anytime and anywhere okay? =)

janis: omg. this girl is like nonsense la. forever like to bully me together with rena. please stop bullying ppl ah. i will never forget how much you LIKE san jiao ku and how much we threaten to buy it for your birthday. haha. time flies and ya, so fast two years just go by like that. and now you wanna be the setter of the team. haha. will be waiting to see how you set if i happen to go back. don't worry so much okay girl, you have scaled a greater height in the arena and continue to work hard okay?

june: though you may not be playing in the team with the rest after we graduate, still remember to take good care of yourself, especially your condition. will always remember the crappy and noisy you be it in court or out of court. continue to work hard in all aspect okay?

rui: doraemon buddy eh. thanks for leading the team. though you were under quite a lot of pressure and so on, you never once gave up on any of us. also the many encouragement that you have given. please take good care of your knees ya, and and and do something about it if necessary. continue to lead the team to scale greater heights okay? and and and stop ponning school already laaa.

gill: thanks for keeping the promise of the five. this girl is famous for the eyebrow injury in year one. haha. and also her un-glam posts and laughers. and all her cold jokes during training. haha. and this girl is also known for her water tapping skills; especially when the she gets emo. haha. thanks for being the vice cap and being the jovial you. smiles. you will not be forgotten alright?

zhijun: thanks for keeping the promise that we made to each other too. eh. your cookies are nice la. sighs. too bad that's going to be the one and only time that the rest of us will get to taste it eh. please take good care of your back and don't strain it anymore okay? also thanks for the encouragement and talks that you gave me. =)

xiaoling: though we do not really talk much, but i really appreciate the encouragement that you gave during trainings and so on. thanks for all the goodies too. take good care of your stomach okay? don't let it get any worse already, and most importantly do not skip meals. sometimes, it's your determination that keeps me going too. =)

ivy: darling! haha. okay, i do not remember how you became one of my girlfriend also. something that is so random la. as usual right. though we have only known each other for once year, many many many things have occurred in that one year and i wanna thanks you for being there okay? though we may not really talk that much now, you are being missed by me. i will try to remember to go to your board to tag very often okay? continue to work hard in volleyball okay? and and and stop being so fickle-minded. RAH.

these are the people that have journeyed with me for the past three years in the route of volleyball. though we may not see each other anymore or that much in the coming future. please remember to take good care of yourselves and continue to work hard for what you believe okay. always remember that we each other; the times that we had together and the thick and thin that we went through together. and also remember to smile during the good or bad times. the footsteps that you have made in my life will always be there and never forgotten. take care and god bless.

2008-02-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

obnoxious, snobby kids from a certain JC just pisses me off. what's with the arrogance in the air. sorry you have got the wrong person; some people like you are just idiots, childish, moronic and won't grow up. flunk your As please. RAH.

2008-01-31T08:43:00.000-08:00

tomorrow's gonna be the last day of school. okay not really cause we still have to go for graduation ceremony and theres DnD. but still it's gonna be a day full of emotions, isn't it?

the future's a total blank suddenly, how? lots of nagging and stress will be coming soon. something that i do not look forward to. sighs.

happiness. it's cny next week, which means that there will be more money and food! whee. but oh well, don't think that it will be that such a happy new year after all. but who cares right? just throw away everything for awhile and get into the festive mood.

gf: sorry. i think i am still a little sore about it. though you can let it go, but it's like...... rah. i so wanna slap him, if only i could. =|

* it still does.

2008-01-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

take me away please.

2008-01-23T09:07:00.000-08:00

so the bleeding episodes ended on sat. thank god la. or else i will be suffering from massive lost of blood soon.

one more week before class officially ends and two more months before i officially grad. the road ahead seems kinda bleak and tough from where i am standing. hows?

looking on the brighter side, goodbye to long journeys to school soon. heh. i can sleep all i want in the next few months. but oh well. will be forced to look for a job. hopefully can bum around a bit more, definitely not in the mood to get anything done right now.

yays. found the the album hotel paper by michelle branch. nostalgic but yes. actually was just going through imeem webbie and found her songs and had the urge to look for the cd. anyone with more michelle branch songs please send them over.

learn to trust again? who should i believe. you or them? please at least defend yourself to make me believe that my past choice was right.

unknown sentence to death seems to be the case, isnt it?

* wake up and stop counting down.

2008-01-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

urgh. nose bled again today on the way to chinatown during the race. sighs.

now legs are like super painful. omg. so dead.

* i am sorry

- sighs. 7 more days.

2008-01-18T07:43:00.000-08:00

tired. tired. tired. omg. i am just yearning to sleep and thats all. too bad tomorrow's not a day for hibernation. sighs. so no inspiration for rj now, lucky the submission deadline is tomorrow morning.

alright. so left with one more ut on mon and i am done with the stress thingy for good. wondering whether i should turn up for the last two weeks of lessons for haema since i have two lessons to pon. maybe i won't after all it's really the end of life in rp. isnt it?

to those that are presenting tomorrow, good luck alright? and all the best. loves.

going to be sick again. RAH big time. plus plus plus, nose bled just on the way home. =|

bro finally past his napfa la. silly boy panic for nothing la. in fact he did much better than he has expected. maybe it was cause of the moral support that he had. =)

* it takes time to trust, but a second to breech it.

2008-01-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

heh. i am back after a week of disappearance. quite a number of stuff happened here and there. and time past really quickly. 2 weeks plus plus more before reaching the finishing line and bye bye science. for good and for real. i guess.

so the girls had their last match against ntu and won! hur. good one girls. pretty nice match too. then had team talk. seeing everyone becoming emo. it's not that i don't feel anything, it's just that i am loss for words, but before graduating i will have an entry for you guys. promised.

had fyp presentation on sat morning. what a time to start la. damn damn damn early. sickening school. rah. maybe it's good to get over it soon. but guess what, there's still three uts coming up and the first one is already a killer. =|

hah. twice in a row, i am in skirt and slippers and and and no lab coat. and and and late for class some more, and and and spelled the wrong thing for FMT. omg. i think my handwriting needs to be improved too. oh man. so untidy and small la. hem, was suppose to wash the lab coat that i borrowed before returning, but but but i just felt so heck care, so in the end just dump it in the fac's drawer. and it will be returned of friday. heh. omg la. so not going to bring that bulky thing home and back to school again. bleh.

then had dinner with the girls. pretty emo one at the start. thanks rui and the rest for the slideshow. some pics were pretty nostalgic. i will miss and remember those times. dinner with them was good. took lotsa pics. was just a cam whoring session, but then again how much of those sessions are we gonna have left. and coach cried! omg la. so much to say but so little time.

a journey that was so short, but so many heartwarming memories. should i continue the strive and determination?

oh ya, saw many many people at tp too. i miss sec sch days. sighs.

have not gone down to the office for a pretty long time already. for lets say about 2 weeks? gonna get so much nagging about being selective soon. not yet but again. =|

then went out with amanda yesterday. omg la. she's still as skinny as ever. but guess what i made her eat like a lot a lot. haha! stupid girl, always say i bully her. oh ya, on the way met kat; and she and cat collaborated in suan-ing me. gosh. slap those juniors.

it's just so hard. to care, to speak, to show.

* when will things be less suicidal for once?

2008-01-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

today's a totally suay-ed day i swear. rah la. first and foremost, had lab today and i never checked the schedule last night, so ended up wearing skirt and slippers to school. freak la. luckily the fac isnt ... heh. or else i would have been dead and have to pon class la.

then wanted to prick my finger to test for salt levels in my blood but could not find the tube. sighs. then presentation was totally rubbish-fied too. sighs. why oh why.

then on the way to hougang, the bus rammed on to the sides of the highway and almost hit a tree. it broke down later leaving all the passengers in the middle of the highway and the bus captain had to go onto the roads to stop the other 161 bus. omg la. so dangerous la, especially with those fast speeding bikes. gosh.

later went to starbucks to slack and happen to next to a group of juniors which i think is in sec one; ij girls and so on. but ended up hearing them bitch about the whole entire world and how they were bullied in school. kids nowadays are just brats.

lastly, while walking home in the rain, stepped into a puddle of mud water! omg la. seriously my skirt was wet also. sighs. great luck today. lucky i wasn't wearing those killer slippers or else i would have slipped to my death while walking la. rah.

i know that the intentions are good. but give me a break. i have heard enough; instead of getting me to listen, you will piss me off. i need peace more than whatever you have to say.

why cant i decipher what you are thinking?

use to like this song a lot a lot.

*avoid; avoiding; avoided, what else?

2008-01-05T10:00:00.000-08:00

alright back from the chalet. din go for div and sophia's chalet in the end. real sorry about it. hm. 4 days 3 nights. they said that time passes super quickly especially when you are enjoying it. kinda enjoyed it. first chalet that had steamboat instead of bbq. HEALTHY LA. plus i love steamboat! hahaha. typical me anyways. goodness man. during those few days, kept on gambling non stop as if its free and i dont have to pay. and cause of that ended up having three hours of sleep each day. dont know who i survived either.

then on the last day which is today. went to tp again to support the guys and watched the match. for the guys, the lost is pretty expected just that the score is pretty surprising. while for the girls.np almost won the match, kinda wasted somehow.

after which we proceeded to the airport to eat our dinner at popeye. its something like our local kfc outlets. but i think that the food there is comparable and some of it is even better than the kfc outlets. will go there again. then later went to visit T3. though it was still closed, there were already quite a handful of visitors, i guess their concepts were pretty cool; its just that constructions were still going on and many stores were not opened yet, or else there will be more people around and it will be livelier. oh ya, and we kept walking in the wrong directions. sian la. but at least the company was great!

walked like super super suer long la. headed down to esplanade after that then later to clark quay and raffles place just to play sparkles. took many photos. hur. will try to post them up tomorrow.

f*er, you make me sick.

* memories are profound and involuntary thinking; especially when you are still emotionally attached to it.

2007-12-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

// * Melly (: ™ *// ' dumbdumb ._. says:
if u're not missed i wouldnt have brought souvenior for u le lo

yay! mel made the end of 2007 a very meaningful one. though though though my birthday present is like almost 10 months belated already. I LOVE MEL! haha. =)

had ndo graduation today. alright. congrats to those who have passed, and to those who have failed. it's just a stepping stone and a beginning. so don't give up please.

dear sideline,
please cheer up and work harder. don't forget you always have us behind u supporting you. =)

schedule for this coming week:
31st to 2nd = div chalet
2nd to 5th = cliques chalet
5th to 6th = sophia's birthday chalet

and school starts on the 7th die la. will i have the strength and energy to dray myself to school though i only have like 12 days left. come to think of it, it is actually only 10 days left since i have not pon certain lessons. hurhur.

somehow come to think of it. time passed really very quickly suddenly, i will miss this school though i always rant about it. well, that's life isnt it? always miss and regret what you have not treasured in the past.

*perhaps you have already made a choice by keeping quiet.

2007-12-29T03:45:00.000-08:00

was suppose to go sentosa on wed with wilson and wong. but guess what. overslept terribly and woke up in the noon. in the end ended up in little

india

with them. and did eyebrow threading. rah. freaking painful la. what to do. women and vanity goes hand in hand. now my eye feels botak. hahaha.

after that had dinner around that region with both of them and alex. as usual, didnt manage to finish everything up. hah. and even though it's only a coffee shop, the food's a little costly, but at least it was nice. yups. after that headed to holland v. wanted to go to wala wala, but it was super crowded, so went to eskibar instead. cool place. especially the 0 degree celcius area. i was like trembling la. =X

after which we headed to wilsons house to have ton to gamble. hahaha. thanks sophia for lending us the mahjong set. gambled the whole night through till the the next day afternoon la. din really eat something filling till i came back home which is about 6 pm. horrible i know. but enjoyed myself.

all that are good are gone. thanks and take care.

* to the person who sent me this song: i don't know if you still read my blog. just wanna try luck. wanna say sorry for any damage done in the past. and things still matter ya. actions just don't always go with with heart or speech sometimes. will you still be there?

2007-12-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

last night on the bus saw shalynn with henrick together. what a coincidence la. one was my pre-school mate while the other was my ncc mate. just how small is this world gonna be. at least henrick linked me to shalynn on friendster. hah. was trying to find her some time back and couldnt find. hur.

went to zhen's house just now for christmas celebration. hur met quite a number of kc girls there. including the juniors. omg la. the younger kids grew up already. i feel old. heh. i miss staying over at zhen's house. even her mum said that it's been a long time and i grew fatter. A BIG SIGH.

AND STUPID AUGUSTINE. omg. so wanna slap him i swear. urgh. i will smash his big fat ego one day.

i don't know what's going on. maybe i am not fit to ask anything. so silence is the best i guess. maybe maybe not.

when walking away is the only solution left.

SHU'S TAG MADE MY DAY! SMILES! =)

* when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

2007-12-24T23:57:00.000-08:00

astrology of the day:
The goals you have in mind are admirable,
but your pace needs some adjustment.
It's a great day to try new things,
and you've got the energy to make it happen.
What has seemed too difficult to you in the past may be achievable today.
All the effort you have been putting into a relationship may have be in vain.

even the astrology said so, maybe it's really fated after all.

reach home at 3.15 this morning. hah. well, went for midnight mass at a church in town. the choir there's quite good. kinda impressed i must say. i guess i wouldn't mind going there for the next few midnight christmas mass in the future.

* everything will come to an end someday, wouldn't it?

2007-12-23T09:06:00.001-08:00

sighs. omg la. chinese medicine is like =| X ten to the power of infinity. yes. that gross. omg la so bitter. sighs. can i throw all that away. ew la. drinking it can make me puke.

slept at 5 plus last night thinking about some stuff. hah. and who knows. was forced to wake up at 9 plus today to visit the sinseh. and got that horrible horrible medicine. sighs big time. damn sinus, damn flu. damn respiratory tract. sighs.

after that came home and slept for one hour before going to work. AH. almost skipped the idea of working. was just too tired. but then again had no choice. sorry wei jie for making you wait so long. lucky there was shelter la. =)

thanks brenda for your treat on subway. lots of love. heh. i want some more double chocolate chip cookies to make the bloody bitter taste go away. sighs. i think i am hungry now. all the medicine's fault. URGH!

then later the lot decided to watch rocky. after much try on various of their laptops. haiyo! the show is so ... did not really know what was going on except for the part where he was about to get into the boxing ring to fight, but had to catch the last bus, so went off first. =|

welcome wei jie to the board of craziness! haha. smiles.

maybe that sentence has already decided things on my behalf. it's worse than being sorted out by fate.

*let go; let god.

2007-12-20T10:26:00.000-08:00

i'm sick of it. i really am.

" it's been raining these days. reflects my mood."

* just breath.

2007-12-18T11:35:00.001-08:00

at the end of the road, what's there to remember about you?

2007-12-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

found a song on youtube. though it's kinda draggy. but i think it gives a super chilled out feeling.

* theres a reason for everything. what's yours?

2007-12-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

today marks the end of the course. how time flies. still remember how reluctant i was 6 weeks ago. come to think of it, i did enjoy myself and got to know more people here and there. group was pretty united, in fact the most among the whole cohort. will really miss those peeps though i will still see them around office. suddenly felt that time passed too quickly without me knowing.

though it was the end of the course, it isnt the end to the project till 11 days later. so i guess there wont be much rest till then. which also means even more frequents to the office and so on since its the hols now. bad thing is that theres still fyp report to think about. pray that i wont fall ill during this period of time.

mel just made me realise something about fyp report: what did we really learn in the second part of the experiment as compared to the first. sighs. conclusion: we are so so so dead.

suddenly, everyone just seem to be flying to somewhere and out of this country, cant they just pack me and take me with them? i dont mind paying for the extra excess weight. sighs.

maybe you guys were right. to think that you guys noticed it before I myself does it. what an irony.

sighs. have to spend so many hours in school tomorrow for fyp, and half of it will be spent waiting. sighs. if only.

am i being too selfish to think that way?

been addicted to this since a long time ago. =)

*use a heart to feel and know. sometimes it's better than seeing than believing.

2007-12-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

so in the end went out with the division people and got to know celena who just came back from aussie for her three mnths summer vacation. pretty cool girl. so ya. during dinner talked about the progress and so on. and evelyn almost died while stuffing more and mroe sushi while trying to beat celena. the sight is enough to make me puke.

bren's gonna break into the overseas market by going overseas next week. good luck and take care girl. =)

the worst thing today was that i brought everything in my bag except for my medicine. =X i guess it's high time to hire a personal assistant! hah.

sorry darling didn't manage to do your rj for you. real sorry about it. i hope that you got it done before 2359.

caught up with te mighty small one today. it's been some time and yes. as usual we have got tons of things to bitch about. hah. it's the littlest things that make someone smile sometimes. and stop offering my gummies please!

* was it you who changed. or was it me. or am i just too resistant to changes.

2007-12-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

yayness. finally did something about this blog. though the youtube stuff still sticks out; but heck care already. have no idea how to change it. so forget it.

going to be 4 am soon. goodness. too absorbed into changing the stuff for the new layout.

fyp this morning. i guess a leopard will never change its spot. so ya. the same thing happened again. guessed everyone expected it also. anyhows, crabs came in today. and that meant more feeding time. which also means that there will be more going back to school session during the hols.

i need a personal assistant! rah. i could actually forgot that i have something on this sun night. and i am taking double shift. i hope everything will be okay. thanks gf for reminding me.

saw someone in the canteen today. had the urge to just go up to him and ask him to mind his own business and maybe just give him a wake up call to grow up. but then again, it will be creating more problem than it is now. sighs.

i guess some stuff has changed. i just don't know how, why and when.

throat still damn irritated. and sounded damn funny. i guess the dose of antibiotics isn't that strong somehow. stupid cough's not going away either. the only good thing is that my nose is not blocked anymore. but ya. still sound pretty weird.

sometimes not knowing certain stuff may be good for health. but being ignorant is just living in denial or just that the whole world just revolved without you knowing.

ya. THANKS wilson and alex for killing putting me in that spot. sighs. can someone please tell me what to do without making a volcano erupt. sighs big time.

darling: omg. please go on a diet la. getting fatter please. i was quite stun to see you la. anyway. like i said. will talk to you today! smiles and loves.

gf: thanks for accompanying me. thanks again right. haha. must be appreciative what right. some stuff are needless to say, but can be seen through the various actions.

*meeting managers VS training. hows?

2007-12-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

sometimes it's just so hard to please the whole world, isn't it always the case?

i think i have the tendency to like singers or bands that have guitar and drums. hah.

having 5 medcines at one go is no joke and it sucks big timeeeeeeee.

a song from grey anatomy

2007-12-10T21:40:00.000-08:00

2007-12-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

hah. i am back for good this time round so there will be less cobwebs around.

okay, it's pretty late already, but who cares. not going to school tomorrow.

seriously, if slashing the throat won't kill, i will be the first to try. damn throat la. feel so weird for so many many days already and the irritating feelings still there.

anyways. nvm. gonna go see a doc tomorrow first thing in the morning. like finally laaaa. i think i better get some antibiotics to get the throat infection to go far far away once and for all. also also medicine for flu and cough.

blah. made to wear a mask today cause i was coughing too much in the CC lab. gosh. the others managed to run away la. unfairness + big time. =

hah. went to watch golden compass for some function on sat. pretty cool. i want the compass too! maybe that woud probably solved a lot a lot of questions in almost everyone's life. hah. yes, continue to dream and you won't get it still.

people smile okay?

darling: eh. i don't know really know what's wrong but talk to me when you are free okay? it's been some time. misses!

* can you just fucking shut the hell up if you do not know what's going on? just look at what you have caused. grow up. you aren't any younger.

2007-12-05T09:29:00.000-08:00

this thing just seem so foreign to me now. maybe its due to not blogging for such a long long time. yep. for more than a month. hah.

gf! stop nagging me. i have updated!

last month has been crazy la. not school then work, not that than other stuff to attend to.

have not been attending trainings that frequently anymore. most of it is not on purpose. cause i have been falling ill very freuquently, or else i will have to settle some other stuff. it was just last night that i had a fever of 38.6 degree celcius; the feelings damn terrible la. don't even have the strength for the simplest stuff.

perhaps the working world really make people see a different side of people. not saying that the environment is bad or what. it's just that people respond differently in good and bad situations rite, and it really sucks to see people like that. oh well, that's just human right? sometimes it just doesn't hurt to be a bystander and watch.

i need a far far far getaway. anybody wanna accompany? haha.

* just so you know.

just saw this on gary's blog.

2007-10-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

seriously, my eyes are closing la. but i just realise that if i dont blog, this place is really going to die soon. it sounds so dead already. sian.

seriously, everything is just not on the right track, not only for myself, but for many many others also.

SIAN LA. got tagged twice to do some nonsense again. so here it goes before i start falling asleep but i shall be nice and not sabo people into doing it. HAHA

[Layer One: On the outside]
Name: madeline lew
Birthday: 03 march
Current Status: it's complicated.
Eye colour: dark brown/black? hmmm..
Hair colour: black laaaa.
RIGHT OR LEFT: huh what does this mean? i am both handed anyway. so no prefernces.

[Layer two: On the inside]
Your heritage: be true to yourself
Your Fear: Being alone/ lizards. =(
Your weakness: being too dao or expressionless.
Your Perfect Pizza: eh hawaiian

[Layer Three: Yesterday today, tomorrow]
Your First Thought this morning: I WANNA PON SCHOOL
Your Last Thought Before Bedtime: I WANNA SLEEP
Your most missed memories: secondary school times.

[Layer Four: Your Pick]
Pepsi or Coke : none
Macdonald or Burger King : depends on mood.
Single or Group Dates: it depends.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Tea or Nestea : all teas laa.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate!
Cappuccino or Coffee: can i combine both?

[Layer Five: DO YOU]
Smoke: tried before
Curse: haha. an understatement
Take showers: duh
Have a crush: hmm.. who doesnt
Think you are in love: well.for you to find out, for me to know
Go to school: sadly, yes
Want to get married: = i wanna be a tai tai! haha/
Believe in yourself: maybe
Think you are a health freak: obviously no.

[Layer Six: in the past month]
Drank alcohol: yes
Gone to the mall: yes
Been On STAGE: no
Eaten SUSHI: yes
Dyed your hair: no

[Layer Seven: have you ever...]
Played a stripping game: no.. =
Changed who you were to fit in: haha. conformity is required sometimes. so?

[Layer Eight: Age]
You're hoping to be married at the age of: haha. when my rich white horse arrives! haha

[Layer Nine: In a Girl/Guy]
Best Eye Colour: brown!
Best Hair Colour : no idea
Short hair or Long hair: long

[Layer Ten: What were you doing]
1 min ago: doing this quiz
1 hour ago: fyp-ing
4.5 HOURS AGO: out with mel
1 month ago: praying that holidays will come
1 year ago: eh?

[Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence]
I LOVE: those around me
I FEEL: tired + sleepy + runny nosey
I HATE: being woken up when sleeping. hehs!
I HIDE: my emotions
I NEED: sleep!

yay! finally done with this. heh! no more quizzed please. =

sometimes, after making a big circle or roundabout, we will realise that all that we have done were in vain

sometimes, all you wish to do is to be naive and wish that you don't know it has happened.

sometimes you just wish that all those encouragements are not just words.

- how will i know that you won't fail me and it's right to trust?

2007-10-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

sometimes, it really doesnt pay to be nice to that person thinking that you can cheer that person up. so, so be it.

sometimes it doesnt mean that you will get what you want though you have put in the effort. so, so be it.

it's been a tiring week. nvm, i have people to cheer me up everyday. right gf?

2007-10-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

seriously, this whole week have been passing too fast. with a blink of the eye it's already the last week day. so in summary this week was filled with two trainings, fyp meeting, and uts, work and a little of the going out with friends. and i am super super tired.

went out with shih ling on tue to have a buffest dinner, its really been eons since i last went out with her. really miss the good old times, but what to do. just busy with work and so on. so don't have much of a choice.

went out with jy and cheryl today. first time seeing jy though. haha. was rather quiet, but i really enjoyed the time. its really been awhile since i last got to relax that way even though its just walking about with a heavy bag. =)

- sometimes its not the biggest action that matters the most. it's the smallest and simplest thing that can make another friend smile and make her know that she's being appreciated.

thanks bav, for unknowingly accompanying me to orchard when you could have alighted at yishun station and went home straight. that really made me smile.

gf!: spoke to you about certain stuff just now. ya, no matter how weird it is, that how things work in life. just let time and fate tell okay? don't worry abour questioning me and worrying that it will piss me off, i know that you care! =)

i think my friend is being harrassed! hows?

- for those who are creating happiness by making other people miserable by mocking them and so on. it's time to look around, wake up and grow up kids.

* so the last try didnt went off well. was is expected or not i really have no idea. but i have tried to bring the idea across, if i have failed you again in any way or pissed you off again i am sorry. many have asked what happened and i really don't know that to tell them. sometimes its better to be quiet then say anything isn't it? even a hi or bye has become an impossible issue as there are too many assumptions made during certain circumstances. i don't even remember what was the issue that made that made things this way.

2007-10-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

*maybe just one last time.

2007-09-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

sian-ness la. throat's super dry, flu and cough. blah. woke up earlier than usual and wanted to go to school. but didnt after thinking of what will happen under the air-conditioned in school. a dry throat and a bout of virus-caused flu's bad. =

nvm. i am going to make today useful y doing a lot of things. blah.

*maybe, perhaps, possibly;

2007-09-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

it just seems that everyone is kinda emo-ing now. be it relationship problem or just friendship problem. sighs.

to you: cheer up okay? i don't know how to help you. but i know you will tide over this. just hang on. =)

to shu: shu ar. please smile okay? don't cry anymore or else not pretty already. anything you can find me. no matter what okay? and i really wanted to give you that box of peanut mochi want lo. =( you don't believe me. sadded.

* before this i have thought of so much thing i wanted to pen down. but right now i am lost for words. how i wish there was such an invention called the mind reader. so that i can read your mind and vice versa. so that there won't be more hurt and wild guessing.

at first i just thought that everything was getting better and i was trying to get the barrier off. even thought of taking the first step to talk. i just needed more time. but ya. maybe i was wrong.

sometime keeping quiet doesnt mean that i don't care. acting ignorant doesnt mean that i have moved on. sometimes it's just because i do not knoe how to express myself well enough.

2007-09-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

lalala. almost two weeks of school have past. sian la. it seems like everyday starts with some screwed up nonsense though i try to be early to school. like misplacing of items. or it will rain dman heavily making the highways jam. rah la.

thanks zhijun for the ride to that bus stop today. it saved us from walking so much. heh. =)

people without money are fretting over what a lot of bills. people without money are also fretting over what can they do with the excessive cash. money may be needed for a lining. but it will never be able to bring happiness for too long. neither can it buy everything in this world. so who do you think you are for showing off the peanuts that you are making? it will just show the rest how shallow you are. and stop being such a busybody in everything. it's not gonna make anything better.

you: i don't know how to advice you. but just follow your heart with a little rationale from your brain okay? right thumb is always over left remember? haha. there will always be sunshine after the rain. and don't worry, you always have us to catch you when you fall. =)

*i think i should. you still do.

2007-09-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

so many many many things have happened over the past few weeks. but had a rather okay holidays.

attended two marathons, one as a helper and the other one as a participant. the helper one was quite fun la. except for the fact that we had to be at tampines safra at 5 and i didnt sleep the night before cause i was afraid that i couldnt wake up and during that period of time my sleeping time was so messed up.

the second one was like ... damn exhausting to run with a bus guide and and a street directory with all the water and everything. rah. and that's not all, we had to go to two citibank outlets to search for a stupid clue and in the end didnt manage to find it at all. and we came in after the cut off time. seriously omg la. the marathon started with a downpour. =X

and after that marathon, had a bad stomach after eating some food, and after which all the apetite was gone for good. just felt like puking when i see food, no matter how hungry i am or was.

then school started. though it has only been two days, but the stress and the urge to do well is already there. quite scary la. omg. falling ill again.

and past darling her present before i went off la. stupid girl. made me walk so far and she almost din want to come out from her class. rah la! anyway girl: it's nothing much. but hope it made you smile. =)

- it's just too much. i need some breathing space.

2007-09-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Blind - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

and still I have the pain I have to carry

a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time

I never thought we'd be here

never thought we'd be here

when my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

only in hopes of dreaming

that everything would be like it was before

but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time

I never thought we'd be here

never thought we'd be here

when my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time

would you ever wanna leave it

maybe you could not believe it

that my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you will ever know

a part of me died when I let you go and I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me dies when I let you go

if only everything can be just imprinted somewhere somehow. then maybe things wouldnt be so difficult to understamd.

if only time was on myside, and it wasnt so hard to at least borrow five minutes out of the 24 hours.

if only time could be bought, i wont mind splurging it, as long as i can get some time.

if only ya. everything is only about that. maybe thats why tears cant help falling down sometimes.

2007-08-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

okay, i am back to save my blog from rotting. but but but this is a long post i think. so don't fall asleep ya? =)

okay i better do this first before i get murdered. but i am just gonna do a shorter version of it. bleh.

Answer the following questions:
1. The person who tag you is? ivy ho jie ying.
2. Your relationship with him/her is: my darling aka crazy girl aka money hider
3. Your 5 impressions of him/her:
A) CRAZY.
B) NOISY.
C) RESTLESS AND FIGITIVE.
D) okay la. shes caring and sweer too.
E) pretty lo.
4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you? always not abandoning me during those times. =)
5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you? eh this is hard la. she said too much that are already imprinted in my brain.
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will? she's always been mine. haha! eh. impossible la.
7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be? being less restless and eat lesser pocky. HAHA!
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will? buy scotch tape to tape her mouth. and ropes to tie her so that she will learn to sit still.
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be? she won't be.
10. The most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is? being there for her during those times too. =)
11. Your overall impression of him/her is? pretty nice girl la.

1. The person who tag you is? lee shu hui
2. Your relationship with him/her is: she's like a younger sis to me. another darling too! =)
3. Your 5 impressions of him/her:
A) HYPERACTIVE LA! like always.
B) flirt la. always on the lookout for someone new right girl? haha.
C) super straightforward.
D) a lazy bum
E) a died down beach freak
4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you? sending my laptop down to futijitsu for me from school which is from woodlands to city hall.
5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you? i will miss you when you grad. =))
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will? very unlikely. and i won't be able to tolerate hersocialble behaviours too.
7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be? STOP LOOKING AROUND!
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will? just chop her up into pieces.
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be? haha. most prob not. we have the same frequency for certain stuff.
10. The most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is? deliver food to her working place as promised.
11. Your overall impression of him/her is? not a very good to date girl. hahaha! oops.

1. The person who tag you is? melissa ng si xiu
2. Your relationship with him/her is:buddy.
3. Your 5 impressions of him/her:
A) blur sotong.
B) a emo kid like me!
C) nonsensical.
D) girlie?
E) pretty nice and caring girl
4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you? always offering me stuff when i am not feeling well.
5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you? haha. don't take note cause there are too many. =)
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will? haha! this will never ever happen
7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be? stop being so mean sometimes!
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will? feed her with more sotong! lalala!
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be? maybe when this happen the sun will rise form the west.
10. The most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is? wish and pray for her that she will be happy?
11. Your overall impression of him/her is? BLUR GIRL!

yayness! i don't owe any of them this anymore. whee! haha. i am only doing those quiz after a long long time. oops.

alright so the holidays has began since about a week back, and frankly speaking, for the whole of this week, i have not been home that more often. so it's just like another school week for me, just that i get to sleep more! heh. nvm la. that's enough to satisfy me already.

so met up with pz and debs last fri for dinner, omg la. someone put on so much weight can. haha. and she claims that she wanna slim down when she always go to the office pantry to snack on biscuits. what kinda diet is that? hahaha! after that wanted to go to east coast to chill, but realise that it is the seventh month, so yes yes yes. went home instead though pz asked me to go to her house. omg. its been years since i last went there, and i can still recall the stayover that we had. =)

and i am so proud of myself. i actually made the effort to attend service last sat. after more than a month. yes. i have decided to head back to church. after the service, i felt as though i am a better person. hahaha. and i felt so much lighter though some stuff still remain the same. maybe that's already a miracle performed.

then went to mels house for the movie marathon ydae. it was together with ah siii. jan jan. it was pretty hilarious cause the host fell asleep during the super action and hectic part. haha. and the best thing was that the air con was like directly blowing at her and mind you it was raining yesterday. later had dinner with the addition of zping. ate a lot a lot and went to the toilet twice after that. =

alrights. there's an fyp meeting tomorrow. and i should be sleeping now. so nights!

* if only i could turn back time.

2007-08-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

just too much.

time to sleep.

to stop the thinking.

=)

nights.

2007-08-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

training is getting so =X. after each training, everyone will get bruised somewhere la. not that it's bad. it's kinda effective la. but but but, pain! nevermind i will tolerate! =)

was out with amanda on fri; she was mugging while i did my pp. blah. yes pretty no life. but i guess i don't have much of a choice. haha. so crappy la. was psycho-ing her half the time. = the environment was super noisy due to some brainless secondary school kids talking at the top of their voices. kids nowadays are like super super free.

then in sat, after the matches, went out with xian to have dinner at toa payoh's pizza hut. and i think i saw rena's sis la. i think the feng shui there is like horrible, in less than half an hour, two waitresses broke the plates three times in a row. haha and all the customers just stared in amazement.

bleh. korea lost. =(

need more motivation to complete my pp. sian. gonna crap and scrape my way through. hais.

got many many movies from a lot of people today. haha. i will be so entertained during the hols. woohoo. away from school, away from fyp, away from studies, away from stress - freedom here i come!

should i go for the chalet, the walk, sentosa and the bbq? =

* so what's going on now?

- bro, i am proud of you. i know that it's hard, but there are a lot others who care and wanna see you smile. tell us when you are free and we will head down to that particular mall soon alrights? loves.

2007-08-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

bro, i don't know if you will read this. but i hope that you will smile again. the pain is unexplainable. but be strong okay? if you ever need me, i will be there. i am sorry that i can only do so much for you.

in many instances of life, we choose to let pride overrule everything till that person is gone then we realise. then, the regret is unspeakable and unexplanable anymore.

2007-08-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

yay! it's friday already. feel so guai la. wanted to pon school today, but went in the end. i guess i don't have a choice cause my latest ut grade. eeks. bleh. damn it. =

haha. the person that i have been "stalking" messaged me recently and suddenly. haha. and the timing that he messages are like 4 am,5 am. siao-ness la. but cannot blame him cause he is in the army.poor soul la. haha. if you happen to view my blog, hmmm. i know what you mean ya. i will try to change it okay? thanks for your concern. but ultimately you were more concerned about ..... haha!

sians. everyone is rushing to complete pp now. urgh. what a dumb module. nvm. just gt it over and done with i guess. the prob is just that i haven't interview that person, goodness. so so so dead. 1884 more words to go. =

was wondering whether i should take off the blog song, after all i am too lazy to change it very frequently, and i have too many songs that i wanna change it to sometimes and hm i guess i am just tired of this song.

*maybe. maybe not.

2007-08-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

pretty tiring day ya. just don't feel like saying much. stomach don't feel good and bruises everywhere. just wanna breeze through tomorrow's ut and get it over and done with and go somewhere to chill. alright. off i go.

2007-08-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

- you made me smile today. :) remember that island that you owe me. haha.

so went to school today. was late cause i overslept. jut wanted to sleep for two minutes more. and ended up sleeping for an hour more. goodness. =

after that went je to eat and later to jp to watch movie with dan and have dinner. wanted to meet cheryl initally, but shes with her mr squid.

come to think of it. i have not been to jp for almost three years. haah. the only thing i could remember was the harvey morman and the macs there. those were the safti mi days. =). ppl, you guys still make me smile!

rush hour 3 was pretty good. but no hot hunks with nice bods. heh. only had girls with gd bod la. =

* i'm gonna try again and stop all these.

2007-08-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

i think mel is officially addicted to doughnuts. and poor me have to get tempted everytime. = from munchy doughnuts to vinco doughnuts. i hope that's how you spell it?

suddenly, there's this new craze about doughnuts la. but soon enough it's gonna end up like the bubble tea craze and its the survival of the fittest.

the whole world is just small small and small. was in bernie's group again today and only really started talking to her today! haha. and the sems about to end. how ironic. okay. back to the point. so she started talking about someone from my secondary school who's quite clingy to nicholas who's her bf la. yes, bitching big time. and soon after i realise that it's someone whom i was close to before. then she offered to show me and van some of the convo between them. at that point after seeing those chat logs, i was flabbergasted. i just dont know how to defend her and was amazed by the way that she carried herself. it just seemed so un-her and it really disgusts me. yes. dumbfounded is the word. sighs.

darling: you assumed wrongly when i said that i wanna expand the world la! so you get it now?

* i hope that no misunderstanding is being created because i don't mean it. but i was just stunned at that point. real stunned. but i am sorry ya. to let a chance just slipped by like that.

2007-08-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

time to hit my blog again. HAHA. sounds so wrong la. so today marks the last day of week 14. just two more weeks to go. jiayous everyone and stop ponning! haha. okay. that's nonsense. just one more ut to go! will mug hard for it to try to upgrade the perdicted grade. I WILL BE A GOOD GIRL AND STUDY. haha

eyes almost died today. was red and bloodshot for the whole day. was probably too tired and the contacts that i wore yesterday gave me the sensitive reaction la. sian. and i just had rashes yesterday. goodness.

so so so. went to settlers today after school. the place was pretty ulu la. had to walk some distance to get to it, and its like situated among the old hdb buildings. but it was good la. at least it's peaceful and relaxing rather than going to the main branch.

the dinner that they served there was quite good. and the games there are pretty fun la. haha. was kinda devastated during the first part of game of life cause i kept paying people money and loaning from the bank till i owed people 300K. but guess what. i ended up benig the richest! haha. what a twist of fate. and the ugly dolls made alex and mel showed their true colours la! so auntie can! for more pictures please refer to mel's blog.

sometimes when you can break it, just run it. just block things out as much as possible. at laest that way will refrain you from thinking and being scared of anything. though thats living in denial, but sometimes you just cannot help it.

* was it real, or was it just a consolation? everything seems so like the past for a moment. if only.

2007-08-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

two more uts ahead and i will be a free soul soon! heh! okay. so lab management ut was manageable but medical microb was a killer. blah. lets just pray that the rest of my ut will be fine. yups.

on the way homme on the highway two accidents happened. one had all the cars dented, while the other one was a disastor. upon a closer look, there was a middle aged guy lying there. suddenly, flashbacks poped up again. and the same fear resurface. perhaps blocking it is the only way to put it at the smallest corner of my mind.

suddenly, certain things seem to add on to the complication, sighs. how?

* are you a happier person now?

2007-07-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

blogging on the last day of july. how time flies, very soon this sem will end and then the next will come and i will graduate. it was just yesterday that i stepped into RP, and in the blink of an eye, i am going to graduate.

today didnt start out very well la. got up at 7.33 which is pretty late already and had to rush to school. dont know whyu i didnt hear the alarm lo. sianded. and ended up reaching at 9.15.

today was also RP's official opening, it was crazy la. waited and waited to welcome and send an important person off and everyone was snatching and pushing each other in the queue for the shirts. and honestly, a lot were not even taking the colours that they were supposed to be wearing. oh wells.

and something happened when i was getting food today. damn irritating la. firstly, we spend like almost 10 mins to get to the table la. then some people can just cut like nobody's business. so yes. this bunch of idiots just cut in the middle of shu and me when we were getting the food la. and it was not one of them only, its at least four to five of them. i think that they are a bunch of no-brainers from 1st year. f*ing hell la. they just said that they never take this and that and just cut in front of me la. and take a lot some more. and NVM. i gave them this very irritated sound a few times and they just ignore some more. RAH LA. f*ing bitches la. then wilson turned back and asked if i was done la cause at first i was just behind him. then i was like these f*kers la cut my queue. and one of them turned back and i continues scolding. then later before they went off, one of them turned back and look at me, and i just stared la! f*kers man. don't they know what're manners. i don't care if i appear to be a bitch or whatever. better not let me see them again.

sorry wilson for being so vulgar! haha. and thanks for lending me your laptop for me to finish my RJ! haha

and and and. i bought doughnuts for my family! haha. and and and i just shared one with my sis la. kinda sinful i know. but it's really nice! haha. my new addiction. died. =

sianded. gonna start my last round of ut this thurs then theres another one on fri. i think that the school need to reschedule the test dates sometimes. total madness la. so much for application tests, it's not as simple as it seems to be.

* why cant something just be spoken and done so easily? it's always till something happened that we realise that there were so many similarities somehow, is it too late?

maybe you were ready to try, but i just chose to walk away right in front of you. and this cycle is vice versa. instead of helping, it is doing more harm and damages. so do we actually understand or we do not at all?

or may be you do not see a point in this anymore, just like what you have said. you do not wanna do something for the sake of doing it. ya, perhaps. maybe i should just honour my words. maybe.

many have told me that they would have walked away a long time ago. maybe they are right.

2007-07-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

MELISSA NG SI XIU! OH MY TIAN LA!

oh my tian la. mel made me add the wrong person on friendster and made me believe that its that person when i already said that it is a different person. oh my. i really wanna dig a hole and HIDE alr la! oh no mans.

i think some people should be more man and stop whining as though they are girls. its quite irritating?

wah. today's gym is like madness la. i have not been so hardworking for such a long long time. tomorrow sure ache like crazy. especially my back. sighs. almost died during back raise.

* it's so easy to say that you wanna walk away but you know you wanna stay.
* it's so easy to ignore everything that is going on but you know that you still care.

* sometimes somethings can be so fragile. one moment you are at the peak of it, but a second later you are falling from the peak to bottom.
* somtimes the decision doesn't lie within you, no matter how hard you try.

* has anyone realise that sometimes after walking away, the other party may also choose to walk away after sometimes and the chances of ever being the same in any way will be nearly impossible?
* has anyone realise how hard it is to even try.

2007-07-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

dead tired.after the few hours of sleep last few nights. i finally and barely scraped through FYP presentation. but at least i am over and done with it. but i think i am gonna get a crappy grade especially from the first assessor. but seriously it feels great to not to have that for the next one month, but somehow my brain is still in the i-havent-finish-fyp thought. urghs.

after that proceded to sentosa. for the first time in a long long time sentosa doesnt seem like sentosa due to the on and off drizzle and there was not much sun. after playing awhile sat down with the girls and started digging a big hole in the sand and sat in it for a few seconds. HAHA. dumb but funny. almsot fell asleep on the chairs till that guy chased me off. he just had to do that la. rah.

then later when to tiong bharu market to eat. and had a bad scare when a kid decided to throw his toy car on our table and siii thought that it was a bomb! haha. hilarious la. and we were making fun of jan giving birth to COW, FISH and RABBIT. oh man. sounds so wrong la.

yayness. i can like sleep till damn late tomorrow since i am don't have anything on and there isnt any test in the upcoming weeks! lala. and the up and coming thing would be PP. sian. another long long thing to write. how boring can the school modules get.

darling: i know that feelings cant be helped at times. but what i have said and what you have seen so far are good enough for evidence already. so pelase don't fall into it okay? YOU ARE FORBIDDEN!

to you know who you are: don't be sad okay. at least you know how tht person is like already. like what you have said, you yourself are spoilt for choices. sono worries and smile. at least for those who care okay! we wanan see you smile.

* was that a good sign? if it was then why did it become square one again? if only everything can be interpreted and known that easily. if only ya. if only. time.

2007-07-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

heh! presentations in class today were rather screwed up since pratically no one was in the mood for it; everyone was like damn worried for the ut and the upcoming presentation. haha. kinda ptiy bernie la. shan't divulge too much. scaly we share the same fate on sat.

after school went to have pasta with rena, mel and jan before heading towads bugis to collect poster. i think rena is a pasta fan man. haiyo. and pineapple mogu mogu didnt taste that bad after all.

so ya upon arriving at douby gaut we went to take 16 and ended up arriving at raffles place. all thanks to mel la! den had to walk all the way back to sunshine, nvm BURN BURN BURN! met raymond, shih and yk on the way. thanks yk for lending u money or else we would not have gotten the poster today. anyways i do hope that your poster can be printed asap ya? =)

then then then, from there walked all the way back to bugis took a train down to city hall and walked to esplanade den marina. omg la. my legs almost gave way and it was so weird holding a poster and walking about. laaaaaaaaaaa.

darling: cheer up okay? i don't know what can i do for you. but please get a grip of yourself okay? you are a strong girl i know. if there's anything you can find me anytime anywhere and there are many many others who care about you. and and and I LOVE YOU la. so cry no more and smile okay. at least for those who care. =)

* it hurts. it really does. to see the simplest things that i wanna treasure slipping out of my hand just like that. and i can't do anything about it. so much to say over here. but i just can't seem to find the right words to fit it in somehow. so do i just give up and slowly walk away?

2007-07-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

died. i feel a little hungry at 1.30 am and i just had a feast just now. omg. gonna get fat.

basically went back to school today to get the fyp poster finalised before rushing down to bugis to get it printed. had a big scare la. upon arriving there i saw quite a number of ppl like lirong, jh, jl, zk, jas and some other ppl and they told me that the shop was closed alr plus the sign on the shop said closed too! omg la. luckily another rp person opened the door for me and asked me to go in. and ya. so everythings settled and and and ready to be collected only by tomorrow.

somehow i think that its safer to not to rush for the last minute cause it takes about a day to print and there's only two days left not counting today. and everything takes about an hour and there are many many teams waiting to get their poster printed too.

THANKS SHU FOR ACCOMPANYING ME! haha big enough?

and after that went to have steamboat. bloody hell. everybody was like cutting queue as though we were transparent la. rah. damn irritating. lucky we got a big big table after that. and i tink i ate too much water melon alr. all thanks to shu also. bleh. and shu treat me to drinks! haha. thanks shu again! oh ya. just get together withh him and get married la! haha. so gonna get killed.

* i guess i don't understand anything anymore.

2007-07-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

madeline - . says:
y is everything just so complicated
★Thoughts; says:
actually,
★Thoughts; says:
things arent that complicated
★Thoughts; says:
we humans always make it out to be
madeline - . says:
ya
madeline - . says:
i agree
★Thoughts; says:
yeap
madeline - . says:
and most of it is cz of our emotinos
★Thoughts; says:
yeapp
★Thoughts; says:
we always make it seem so big a deal
★Thoughts; says:
when it isnt
madeline - . says:
ya
madeline - . says:
true
madeline - . says:
and end up being stuck

how true the above statements are. but sometimes we just hope that things can be simpler somehow also, isn't it?

sometimes simplicity is also the best, but how long will it take for us to realise that?

2007-07-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

i'm officially turning into a workaholic. haha. doing crunches everyday and am starting to jog. die la. i jogged two and a half round round me neighbourhood without stretching much. bound to cramp like hell tomorrow. = burn burn burn!

congrats girls on defeating SP! haha! so proud of you guys. =)

FYP POSTER SUCKS.

* if only. why scale the invisible ladder when you know that you will fall right from the start.

2007-07-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

i realise that the world is super super small la. within two days i saw pris, shann, liying, tim and waylon and his girlfriend! haha. now i can sabo him already! and the coincidental part is that pris' cousin is shu's good friend! haha. damn funny la. the first look shu gave pris.

anyways! rp vball girls beat nyp girls! woohoo! good game girls. good luck for the match on friday ya? =)

* there's so much i wanna say. but. i just chose to.

2007-07-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

hais. after some calculation, it seems like i have 7 more months in poly. omg. how time flies. a part of me just wanna get out of it, but a part of me keeps wondering about what i'm gonna do. sian. i have no idea wad i wanna do except for the fact that i do not want to concentrate on pure sciences and stay in the lab forever! bleh. no life.

haha. i just finish a mango at 2.45 am. dieded la. what a craving. and i am tempted to have more. urghs.

sometimes i just can't figure out what you are thinking. so what if it's a yes? so what if it's a no?

2007-07-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

in many many many instances in life, things are not how it seem to be whether you are prepared not. so the only choice that you have is to treasure what you have for the moment before you lose it.

yes. report is submitted. so gonna die somehow during the presentation. and still need to do poster. AH. i need to get my motivation back for school, how how? sighs.