SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Monday, July 31, 2006

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firstly, i have to apologise to lao ren. heh. please do not be mistaken by what i said about you nano ya? i fancy it too. it is just that i don't know how to take good care of such fragile items. that's why i would rather not have it and chose creative instead. really sorry if i have offended you.

what do one do when everything seem to be turning towards the wrong turn. i have just realised that my tiredness is not cause of physical lack of rest and sleep, it is the mentality that is killing me bit by bit. i'm mentally drained. for how long i do not know.i just wanna pushed everything aside and away to stone and feel that i am still alive and breathing.

i wanted to say this to someone. but i just din have the courage to do so. ya. maybe penning it down would be a better choice. yup. i did ask you to be the strength for me. and when i said that i just wanna stay away from everything, i wanted to ask you to stay and be there. but ya i din say anything.things arent that good on yous side either. i am just afraid of burdening you. and i don't have the courage. judging by the state that i am in now.

sighs. i am sick of everything. sick of the world pretending the be fine when it isnt. when they can just pretend that nothing has happened and make it seem like it's just seemed like nothing when emotions and truths were being brought up.

i give up. i don't know what to do or whatever i can do. so much of wanting to forget everything. all it takes is to come back when everything is gone to revive bit by bit of it. but guess what. those things that you are doing are too little. it's not helping at all. when everything is gone, not all can be gained back just by those little efforts. maybe the one that don't understand you the most is me at the end of the day.

why can't you just take the hint and leave that thought alone cause it is never gonna come true no matter what happens. at least for now and the near future. things that you have done are just seen as what a sibling will do for another sibling and nothing more. i have made myself clear, i don't know what more can i do to make things better. i don't wanna end up shunning and avoiding you or anything.

after something is gone, then i have realised how much i want it back. time is just a form of delaying, not thinking and avoiding. i miss those times of fun, laughter, sadness, and closeness. i'm sorry that your pillar has failed you just by a mere second and actions. it's so hard. just so hard to reach out again and revive the past. after what you have said, i am at a lost. those words will be vivid in my memory.

i wonder how have you been. it's been quite some time. yet again i have done the same thing that i have done in the past. forgive me ya? i just don't know how to make things better. if only nothing have happened and nothing was done to anything. it's time to grow up and learn how to let go of certain stuff ya.

life at home is just another dread to life. with the acknowledgement of many stuff just make everything worst. yet most of the time we just have to plaster a smile to your face so that people will worry less as they already ahve so much in mind.

and i hope that certain people out there are fine. i am worried ya. you know who you are. sighs.

it just seem that life has no drive like what it use to, nothing seem to go the right way, or things don't seem to go away. just to do something simple will be tedious to me. cause it's either a can't be bothered attitude, or a low self esteem atttitude or a half hearted attitude. even playing the sport that i have the passion for. judging by how things are going, things are really getting out of hand.

can the strength that i need just be there.

i am tired. real tired.

and yet everything goes one as per normal.

when we have to fight on to cover our weaknesses.

9:26 AM;