SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Monday, June 26, 2006

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so many many many things have happened over such a short time that i don't know where to begin. some stuff that got me real mad, some stuff that got me real sad, some stuff that got me real stressed and some stuff that got me real tired. =

two uts settled. i don't know how am i going to fair, but i definitely had put in more effort as compared to the last few UTs due to my sucky grade. i seriously hope that it helps. getting real lazy. not chatching up in ce points, not doing pp. and even dread studying for UTs nowadays. just too tired and sometimes just can't be bothered. i have to get out of this and concentrate on completing my ce points and pp by the end of yr 2! i must do it! though i don't know where to start. rah.

actually i don't know if i ahvebeen trying to bury and cover things up. really. i don't really feel anything anymore. but somehow i know that i just couldn't beat to delete certain stuff from my hp or rather everything. in case i really don't hear from you anymore and i still get a little affected sometimes while thinking of certain things. oh well. =(

been clearing bits and pieces among the rubble lately. feel a little lighter. but i am still upset over certain issues. i am confused. confused about the emotions, meanings and what leads to what? have i been worrying just too much or am i just pushing myself too hard?

went to celebrate june's bdae with the rest of the girls. wasn't in a very good mood cause of certain issues. then that person just has to rant at me. what the hell. i am not her dog, so what rights does she have to even raise her voice? so what if that person has more experience in that game? it noly goes to show how she is being brought up by her parents. totally spoilt and have to have her ways everytime. sorry but i am not one of the few to compromies to her stupid wants and needs always just to make her happy. and her sucking up skills are excellent. a 100% pure boot licker. apple polisher. and totally bitchy. if she doesn't want people to hate her she better start changing soon. i'm sorry if i sorta gave you a bad attitude. i guess i will have to change too.

just got to know some truth. doesn't seem so unreasonable after all. but ya. still sound a little spoilt. but there's a kid in everyone just waiting to be pampered right? and nobody is perfect. plus she has compromised with me. and clear the air with me. it's just a give an take thingy ya? =)

mad peace with someone and contacted another one. am happy to do so. at least i have a load of my shoulders and that that person is not forgoteen and vice versa. but one is busy studying and the other one is in the army. nvm. i shall just be happy for what i have now instead of asking more and wrecking everything again right? =)

but on the other hand, i am quite disappointed. disaapointed that that one year din mean anything to someone. that person words of making up are just words and they are of no value anymore. not anymore i guess since everything have changed. i am not someone that you look for when you need me only. i have been trying to make up for the time lost. but everything takes boh hands to clap right? even when i am angry, it just meant nothing to you. so be it i guess. since there are no intentions of making things up and making it ok again, i don't think that i can do anything about it either.

i really don't know what is going on and why is it like that. someone just told me that what ever i do was just out to annoy you. well i really don't know. is it really better like that? the talks that we had already had a few arguments, though it took like so short time to recover and everything; these few days were all like attitude from either you or me. you claimed that i am the one shutting you and everyone out? aren't you doing the same either? or maybe it's only me. but i guess that it's ok. you have so many other closer friends around, as long as you are fine. i am fine with it too. maybe backing off would be a better solution right? at least you won't have to feel another pressure from me or anything. maybe i am already doing it since i din really say much just now. i don't know. certain sessions that were promised may never ever come true in the end. =(

9:51 AM;