SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

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sighs. really broke down today. firstly i took a bus from bukit timah to bedol, then from bedok to tampines then back home. thought, stone and cried a lot during the journey. when the bus was crowded. i jsut complained to myself that i need the private time. but when there was no one, i got really helpless, scared and lonely. just what the hell am i feeling. mixed feelings but more of sadness and depressed.

know that i shouldn't have bought the alcohol, but was just betting whether i would see the woman at the cashier again, if i see her than i will not buy. but apparently, it was another lady so too bad. i think my in take of alcohol has gone from bad to worst, i feel drunk when i drank like 3/4 only, and the drank became unbearable so in the end i threw it away. so that's the end of it.

i think i am so dead. don't know what's happening. my gastric and intestine has been going topsy turvy for the pass few days. probably cause i din eat that much. but i keep going to the toilets too! RAH! like now, my gastric is hurting again. die. i think i can't go on a serious diet. i think i will die of pain first. like faint on the spot.

and that old person is like rah! teasing me like hell. RAH HER CAN! she's so gonna roar when she sees this. but i don't care. who ask her to disturb me. HURNH! i am angry k! i am determined to not to talk to you already! RAH!

i realise how much i have fork out over this period of time which is going to coem to a naught. all for nothing. the fight that i put up with over the past two years. all nothing in the end. and i just have to see her replica today and to think that i actually wanted to avoid. sighs. i just don't know what to feel anymore. half of me wished that you can stand up for yourself and explain. but then am i that important? i don't really think so anymore. so all i can say is that i am sorry for giving you so much misery. how i wish things will not turn out this way and that everything could be a little better. is that too much to ask for? now i know why people say when two people are really in love they can never be friends. sighs. what can i do? nothing at all again.

avoid and avoid. that's my favourite now. everything also bury deep within me. pretend and put a smile across my face. that's the best rite? the most just drink and drink also. i need to learn how to be nonchalant no matter what happen and be calm. can somone please teach me how to do it!

12:40 PM;