SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Friday, March 24, 2006

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stranger than your sympathy. i don't know whether i am feeling that right now. but the whirling thoughts just won't put my mind into ease and i don't know why. perhaps it's just a mixture of what i have been feeling recently. and i really need some time out again. i just wish to dig a hole in the ground and never appear again until everything is over. but then again it's only a wish right? the world's never fair; no matter how hard you fight and hold on to something, you may never get it back again or even go near it. doesn't that sound familiar?

have anyone ever stop and realised the pain and misery on the faces that are around them? have they ever put others before themselves for once? have they ever put their pride aside just to understand and speak what's on their mind? have anyone realised that once they hurt the other person they have to do what they can to win that trust, care and feelings back? have you been in a situation where you don't wanna let go, but the reality just seem to differ from your thoughts and actions? have anyone felt so tired that they jsut need a pillar of strength or a shoulder for them to lean on? have you ever wondered how you could make everyone else's life better just by hiding and wishing that you are the invisible one so that you won't hurt others? have you ever try to stand up after a fall but ending up falling even deeper? well. i did. and i am still struggling out of all these feelings not knowing what to do. just that my emotions are not imprinted on my face; it doesn't mean that i am leading a great life now. i just put everything deep down in my heart without saying anything. maybe i really have an impregnable fortress around me. but if you try hard enough you will see the other side of me. the quiet, the troubled, the side of me that needs the strength and energy to face any more trials and tribulations.

so much have happened during the chalet. i don't wanna say goodbye to those who i have bonded with. but all good things come to an end. i will miss those who have graduated and are leaving. though i have only bonded with you guys recently, i will keep all those memories in my heart always. in fact i would have wanted to open up to you guys a long time ago but i just don't know how. i thank god for letting my have you guys around me. to bring me the joy and happiness. the thick and thins that we ahve been through for the past one year. i promise you guys that i will continue to strive hard no matter how hard it will be. love you guys loads. =)

i really don't know what to say, do, think or feel about this whole situation anymore. but on the other hand i don't want things to get worst. i don't want you to be unhappy with me. i don't want that attitude from you. ya i am cold and was cold towards you. but you made me do it. maybe now's not the time to blame each pther anymore. it's the time to look back, think and try to resolve everything. am i right? but i just don't know hard to do it. maybe i shall just try to treat you a llittle better instead of the cold shoulders.

11:51 PM;