it's has really been ages since i last blog. haha. hmm let me count. 1..2..3..17 days! haha. more than two weeks. actually have been wanting to update. have lots of things to say. but just don't know how to start. excuses excuses right? haha. mummy scolded me for not updating and owner claims that there are cobwebs on my blog already. eh. not that long ok!

my mood have been swinging back and forth lately. don't know why.=( hem. its ont cause of the girl's thing. but maybe the pressure and stress that everything and i myself have been exerting. and i just couldnt take it anymore. suddenly, i will just have this outburst of tears when i amd disappointed. have i been disappointed too many times. but then again if it is so i should have been numb to it by now right? *sorry to those who have suffered under my horrible temper. forgive me alright? real sorry about it.

suffering from stm. i forgot what i wanted to say already. darns. how? k wait. let me recap. i hope that my memory won't fail me so badly. oh yes firstly, my UT grades are sucking big time. URGH! so i've decided to be more hardworking. but the UTs are so so damn difficult can. RAH! i studied till i fell asleep and gave up in the end. really couhldn't take it anymore. yes and the demand that the faci wants are getting higher and higher. i admit that i do slack. but i think they should cut us some slack. after all it's kinda tiring after a long day of research and so on. but nvm. i am gonna have a brand new and refreshing term ahead. i promise to have a change of attitude and to put in my best so that i can get the grades that i want. also i never wanna be COMPLACENT. NEVER. it will definitely do more harm then good. hardwork and dilligence here i come!

i think i am going crazy over some matters. yes. you never read the wrong thing. CRAZY. one minute i know which road i am heading. but the next i will be on the wrong track again. what's wrong. i thought i have already settled everything? it isn't fair. why must that particular thing keep reoccuring when i thought that i have put it aside? god help me!! i keep making round abouts around the same problem and solution. one minute i will be on the left, the next minute i will be on the right.cause you know why. both matters are blowing hot and cold towards me. darns. what a nerve wrecking issue.

after speaking to the coach on the previous night. i sorta got back my motivation to work hard. i wanna prove some people wrong, prove me and my group proud. at first i really had the intention to just break down and give up. thanks mummy and bk! i will always keep your words in mind so that i won't give up easily. oh yes. i can't believe what i am doing now. training for about 45 min everyday and do rou ruan ti cao. yes. you got it right. and i intend to keep this trend going on. i am praying hard for this determination to carry on. yes. i don't wanna disappoint bk, my grp and myself at the end of the day. my zu gong! =) kinda happy that i got this! hee!

right now i am in a dilemma. don't know whether to work or not. cause i have to work for a minimum of 4 months. yes the birthday book was right. i am afraid of commitments. i am afraid that i can't juggle work, training, church and school work all at one time when the school starts. but i came up with a solution of working for two days. namely friday and sunday respectively. really hope that i can cope. I MUST MANAGE TIME INSTEAD OF IT MANAGING ME! haha. xian does this looks familiar to you? wahaha. but i am gonna work almost everyday during the holidays. i don't wanna depend on my parents for everything. i want them to have the best food and everything also. not only for me and my sisters. =) all i need is encouragement. i can do it. i know i can. =) always have faith in oneself.

i found out that i need more and more encouragement and strength from others. was trying to stand strong on myself that day and found out that i have very very little left in myself. perhaps i have been trying too hard to put on this mask for too long. and all i need is to break down for some time before i start to pick myself up to face the ongoing obstacles again. do i make sense? i hope i do. =) the real failure is someone who gives up on herself/himself without trying. i will be strong not only for myself, but also for those who care for me! =) god i pray that you will grant me a large large amount of strength to let me battle on to do you proud. =)

i just hope that i get a little more time and attention from what i have been geting from you. if that is even possible and not too much to ask for. nvm. i know that you have been busy. i just wanna talk to you. seeing you was something that made me smile ya? though you don't know this. while the other one will be gone for quite some time. i know i can forget about the other one. i know i can. i need to be on the right path. unless.. heh..

madeline.
03031988.
katongconvent.
republic poly.
volleyball.





WISHES
smiles.
grow taller? HAHA.
laptop.
travelling.
uni.
many many other wants. =)



-andrew goh.
-andrew tan.
-caleb.
-chinglin.
-debbie.
-eeling.
-gary.
-gillian.
-guoyong.
-ivy.
-janis.
-junguang.
-kelly.
-laura.
-lixian.
-matilda.
-mel.
-rena.
-serene.
-shaun.
-shirui.
-shuhui.
-shuhui kc.
-shuzhen.
-sophia.
-soonwei.
-vansoh.
-wilson.
-yichao.
-yikai.
-zhehang.