SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

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actually i am not really in the mood to blog. but since i have not written in here for some time. i guessi just wanna leave some stuff here before the spiders start spinning their webs here ya? during this christmas week i ate a lot. eeks. i think i am really gonna get superbly fat. sighs. i need to work up a diet plan soon. but i am having a chalet/bbq tomorrow. yikes, nevermind. i shall just increase in the duration of excercises. just hope that i can get to lose some weight before school starts which is like only next week.

thanks uncle for giving the treat. it was great. k i got to eat alot of exotic stuff that i have never tasted before and other magnificent delicacies. such as snails, crocodile soup, chilled crabs, raw oysters, oysters baked in cheese, smoked salmon, buddha jump over the wall, and many other nice things. hee. nice buffet. i want to eat in that restaraunt again when i have th time and money. quite EX. hem.

i don't know what's wrong with my skill nowadays. my spiking seems to get worse. how am i gonna be a zugong like that. i can't even spike over at no. 4. i really don't know what's wrong. i wasn't like that in the pass. real heartbreak. used to be so happy that i can spike that. but now the pressure's arising and i am getting more and more depressed and disheartened after each try. can someone just enlighten me? what have i done wrong this time. was is because i have been concentrating on improving other skills and neglected spiking. sighs. i just hope that i can find out what's the problem and start improving on that. i will be super upset if i continue to screw that up. I need to work harder. as long as there's a will there will be a way right? never fail to believe in yourself and the lord above.=) thanks zijun for believing in me. really thanks a lot. =)

my grades ins't exactly how i want them to be now? how? i only can shoose to mug like hell sleep early and pay attention in class. sighs. the grades that i have got only goes to show the lack of hardwork and enthusiasm. so ya. i have started studying for the next ut which is computing. just hope that it helps. sighs! i am gloing to mug for all my uts and try my best to py attention in school form now on. as in for real already. i can't let these grades continue. or else i can really forget about nus. =( must motivate myself!

i feel neglected. when i see other people get the attention that they want. i know where i stand. somewhere in the dark. i am not the one being the first by prioritiy. i know that this isnt your fault. but its gonna be another year of that. i don't know how long more can i last. i envy others. really. i feel like crying. i know my inside being has already teared and is still tearing. but what can i do. nothing. really notthing. i know i have not been asking much. the world is so unfair. i was sad over some stuff. but i didn't say anything. sometimes i will just choose to keep all the stuff within me to prevent you from bring sad. how i wish you know how i feel. just like how i am trying to figure out and understand how you feel. how i wish you have the little bit of time for me. those promises that you made are broken. and hurt is done again. i feel like crying. i am really trying my best. i don't know how long more i can last.

why must it be like that. the sistership-brothership has been strained. we were never like this. this had never happened before. sighs. i have tried. maybe it's meant to be this way.i am resigning to fate this time round. i don't have the energy to battle on. it's no longer a sorry thing. when one stops to put in the effort, nothing can be done no matter how the other party fight on. after all it takes two hands to clap. sighs.

i don't need anyone to try to understand me and how i am feeling now. casue each and everyone goes through a different thing in different phase of life. don't claim that you know everything when you have not gone through what the other party is experiencing. does it makes sense? i think it does.

*i'm a small girl in a big big world

9:10 AM;