you know. the terrible feeling's back again. why? i'm trying hard to put it at the back of my head. i can't. nvm. it's me. only me facing this. when you know about it, i'm already far away, gone. after all that has happened, things have to be that way. how naive can i get?

have been skipping trainings again. though i've promised yen to go for training on thurs, i just hope that i won't be too affected by training. i hope. i don't wanna cry. nobody's gonna see the first drop of tear roll down. even if i do, it will be a hidden one. i must be strong till the end of this term. i'll do it no matter how hard it is. i'll work hard for training. i am going to prove the others wrong, i will do it.

you know. you let my disappointment level drop to the minimum. you have promised me something. but have you keep to it. maybe i overestimated my level of importance. i thought you will sense the cold shoulders and nonchalence. i am wrong. i chose to believe you when others don't, but what do i get? pure disappoint that you don't even know. i can't blame you. after all it's your choice. i have no rights to control you at all. that's final ya. even a simple chat reply seem to take ages to reply. or don't reply. maybe you won't even approach me soon. when your name was mentioned by others, my eyes dart, i dare not look at that person, i don't wanna appear to be sad. i am trying hard. real hard to put on that front. even when lionish pass by. my face remained black. and i just stoned. and continue stoning. yes. you said that we will remain this close no matter what, we will spend time together, our group will remain intact. look at the state now. i have no intentions of doubting you. but the reality is total different story. nothing matters. everything's replacable. i wonder do you still remember what you said a few days back, or were the words forgotten again. nvm. if this things continue, the endings are already obvious enough. yup. when you notice, i'm already gone. i'll keep to my word.

my mind is in a whirl. nothing seems to be right, but i will continue to smile. i will flood my thoughts with ut. i must study. yes. that's final.

madeline.
03031988.
katongconvent.
republic poly.
volleyball.





WISHES
smiles.
grow taller? HAHA.
laptop.
travelling.
uni.
many many other wants. =)



-andrew goh.
-andrew tan.
-caleb.
-chinglin.
-debbie.
-eeling.
-gary.
-gillian.
-guoyong.
-ivy.
-janis.
-junguang.
-kelly.
-laura.
-lixian.
-matilda.
-mel.
-rena.
-serene.
-shaun.
-shirui.
-shuhui.
-shuhui kc.
-shuzhen.
-sophia.
-soonwei.
-vansoh.
-wilson.
-yichao.
-yikai.
-zhehang.