SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Monday, October 24, 2005

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blogging in class now. recently my temper just got the better of me again. don't know why either. guess it's because if what had happened recerntly and that i can't take it anymore. though some stuff are just stuff that are happening around me, i seem to be affected by it somehow and there's nothing i can do about it either. sighs. somehow i wanan run away from reality more and more often. just indulge in sleep and forget about everything else no matter what. even if the sky falls on me.

my sister got into trouble with my dad over the same old thing again. she cried. for that moment i felt so helpless, so lost. although i seemed as though i know how things are handled and how feelings are. but i am sad and i don't want my sister to follow my steps and start doing the wrong things that i have done. how? i know she's trying real hard not to mess things up, but somehow people won't give her a break. but somehow she was still partially wrong. i just how that things at home will get a little better. the tension between her and my dad, my mum and someone else will get better. though things seems ok, but it isnt ya. the tension at home is so strong. sometimes i just wanna get away and never return home for some time. but i knoe that it is not possible.

ya backstab me. you are the best and i am the worst. satisfied? i promised that i will not let this get to me. but somehow i can't do it. there's a limit to everything. i am trying ya. though sometimes i may slack. but somethings are not within my control. i wanna try my best. i really want to. i wonder when will that really happen. sighs.

i got a shock when i saw your results. those alphabets jsut kept hovering about in my mind. help! i need a break from this. it just didnt occur to me that you will get that kinda result, i guess i am both stunned and disappointed. then i went to read some blog entries and found out that your teachers were outragous. but still. i pinned s certain level of hope in you. really.i just hope that you will get promoted. i really do hope. i don't want anything to happen to you. and all you can say that it is too complicated. what's the use of saying that without telling my anything? you will make me feel worst. worst than ever. =(

yes. i am still struggling in between left and right. i know that i am soon turning back to the right path. but it is difficult ya. real difficult. judging by how things are going. urgh. i really cant take it anymore. can someone just knock me out.

i just realise that i have got so attached to the youth group that i was trying so hard to aviod. saw the whole group during youth mass on sat. i miss their craziness. i miss those times when they pulled me back to god. i missed the people. i miss the way that they praised god. overall i missed everything. i just need some time to settle everything before going back. but the only problem is that i don't know how long i will take. i need the strength from god. to carry on and to stand tall once again.

why cant people just answer my question, why must they go rounds and rounds and avoid. if you want it that way so be it. fine with me anyway. i have nothing to lose cause ultimately i did try, it's you people who force me to be like this. forget it i don't feel like blaming anyon anymore. just sick and tired of going round and round the same spot. i need transparency in my life once again. like those innocent kids who say what they have in mind and those pure and innocent feelings too.

ya. rely on me. ignorance. urgh! i am going crazy! why must all these happen to me. rely on me right but don't tell me so much things. alright! fine with me again. i am not gonna say anything. i will just be there. be quiet and take what is coming alright? fair enough for you?

if you guys think that by keeping quiet, you can make me feel better. so be it. but let me tell you, it's not working at all, you are making me more disappointed and causing more hurt in the end. and i am sick and tired of it. do what you deem fit alright?

yes. after backstabbing just act as though you are a saint and nothing is happening. that's your forte. after all, backstabbing is what you taught me and lying is your forte, jsut stay as far away as possible. i will never need you in my life. put on that mask, for i will ont unmask you. i will just choose to hate you when you don't know anything about it. you chose it that way. so don't regret it. you forced me into this. i will show more attitude to you than ever. too bad for you!

just stop exerting pressure on me alright! i can't take it anymore. i am about to explode anytime, anywhere. just give me a break for crying out loud's sake.

12:06 AM;