SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

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what's with everything getting so screwed up in everyone's life? every blog that i read expresses the owner's sadness or anger. even mine. when is this gonna be over? it's scarey. i don't wanna go through this phase of life. alone. help! almost broke down today at the mrt station. could feel the tears in my eyes. i promised myself not to break down in front of others. i did it. i manage to hide. again. i don't knoe how much longer is this gonna happen and go on. but my facade woulf not go or fade away just like that. again i have my reasons. is it my fault? are you slightly angry with me? i really have no idea. really no idea. you were comforting me instead of the other way round. was it a forced one. cause you were afriad of making me feel worst or fighting with me? ah. i don't wanna think anymore. i am tired. can my brain stop drifting to all those stuff. i have so much more problems than those that i have mentioned in the previous entry. once i dig it all out from my memory. i will really break down. what am i suppose to do? get lost and never return? i don't know. i don't wanna break anything. but it's so inevitable. it isn't my fault. but i know that i will be hurting you if i do that. and we may not have much time left? why is god doing this to me? is he asking me to go back to him or pray more? he don't have to use this way. he can just make me a fool, instead of everyone else that is around me. i as ather shocked and touched by the words that came out from your mouth. i knew that there was a slight silence after that. i hope that i din disappoint you. i really hope so. just give me some time to pluck up my courage and talk to you about it ok? i promise i will. even if it's after we go to our separate ways. i am trying my best now to prevent that from happening. so much have happened over a short period of time. i am still trying to absorb it. i don't know why am i feeling this way either. it can't be helped. but i treasure you no matter what ya. those ups and downs that we have gone through, though it's only been like a few months. as long as i live i will remember you ya? again i hope that i din make use of someone else. i din expect that he will do so much for me. i am touched and shocked. he's sweet. but just a friend. i am seriously screwing up my ife like nobody's business. am i getting into more trouble again? i don't know. but i know that i really need help beforeigo berserk. and i mean it.

10:36 AM;