SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

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i have a lot a lot to say. buw how to put it to words and pen it down here. have quiten down a lot. don't know why either. guess those around me are finding it weird too. just like xian and shaun. i guess it cause of what have been happening around. i'm not nonchanlant and ignorant afterall. i just happen to be thinking about other stuff most of the time. that's why. sorry for that. sometimes i would really rather keep things to myself instead of adding burdens to the rest. or is it just a barrier that has got things going that way. i don't know either. i just need some peace to myself. stm nowadays and end up repeating things. sorry to those who actually experienced it. it wasnt intentional. forgive me ya?

oXian, the following thing is for you. after reading it, you will know why i chose to use the white fonts. ya? here it goes:
counting from april 18 2004, we have been friends for 4 months 1 week. how time flies. though it has only been a short while, it seemed like we've known each other for a very long time. i guess it is due to the common interest and so on. and we are really womehow alike. haha. what an affinity. it's all planned by god. destined ya? i wanted to say all these some time back already. but i just don't kone how to bring myself to do that. i guess i am just shy, as usal right. manay a times this thoughts have been running through my head. that's y i appeared to be quiet all of a sudden. i don't know how you are gonna react to this, but i guess it will be better for me to not bottle up things like these. you will probably be super mad at me for certain parts of this paragraph. yup. i guess u must be dan surprised when i asked about the friendship between you and joan. i sorta felt that ay a long time ago. just that i din have the courage to say it out. but i know that joan is somehow unhappy about me being so close to you. in fact i can see that she's jealous and that she doesnt wanna lose you. it's just that bystander always has a clearer view than the people involved. i am sure you know what i meant right? i ever wanted to just hmm. totally retreat and withdraw from you so that joan won't feel that way. i know that it's kinda selfish. but sometimes it's better than making you and her fall out or something.

over time. we did changed each other somehow or other. that's again how i feel when i think abotu the past few months.

and i am just super unsure of everything that's going on around me. i know that you are not leading a great life out there either. be strong ya. i am sure that you can tide over all these. you are a strong person. i don't know if you feel these way, it's like we are getting so close that we are unknowingly so attached to each other, relying so much on each other. i may be wrong. that's how i feel. ever since we got to know that we are changing class, we sorta "admit" the best friend thing little by little. and we end up being a little shy after that. like a sudden pause or quietness. am i wrong to say that? and this is your first time feeling this way. again, am i right to say that? ever since we know that we are changing class, we've been much quieter too. really a lot quieter as compared to the past. i guess we are equally sad about it. ya. please study for your math and accounts k? as long as you start mugging now, there is still time for you to score. and maybe get distinction too. nothing is impossible as long as you are willnig to put in the effort. i believe in you ya? you can do it. have faith in yourself and me for believing in you k? i can help you if you want. will try to ensure that you get the best, nothing more or less. hope to see you in SAS or even the same class. meanwhile do take care of yourself. whether we are changing class or not is still an unknown though the verdict has already been said. but the yeat one together can make difference if they really want to. so don't worry so much k? don't think so much and smile more. and be nicer to windows k. =) i'll always be there for you no matter what ya? promise. =) thanks for your entry about me. it's sweet and touching. a little shocked too. but still =) and i am sorry if i ever hurt your feelings in terms of school grades ya. sometimes i speak without thinking. too straightforward.

i don't know what to say about it. i am quite disappointed and disheartened. do i really deserve that kind of treatment/. i just wanted to care, that's all. maybe you weren't ready to face it. but i still ought to receive a reply. sighs. what can i say. precisely nothing. that's why i chose to keep quiet and even disappear sometimes although i know that it's ont like that on the other side of the world. it's unfair ya. to me. i am shocked. really shocked by what i heard. what is happening and why is it happening. i know nothing. nothing at all. am i becoming a stranger to you. or was that cause of me. i really wanna know.

still gonna carry on with the petition. trying hard not to be disheartened by the facts. gonna make a miracle happen. i believe god will do that. coz i have faith in him. =) may end up doing something drastic. but who cares. i hope that we can derive a win-win situation out of it in the end. i really hope so. again. nothing is impossible. meanwhile i am gonna strive hard for what i want. by using legalised methods. not gonna give up so easily.

hmm.it's been great to see you smile and so on. at least things are getting better unlike the past few weeks. a first step really didn't kill. and instead it's kinda rewarding. but shyness is still present. haha. let the ice melt slowly alright? but thanks. you make my day. =)

7:29 AM;