break into a run from reality and run far away from it. am i really going crazy judging by how things are going and how are they coming to me? yes. i am going bonkers or maybe more than that. my mind is in a whirl now. or maybe more than that. it maybe a total blank too. i don't know. like today's SCPM meeting. what was i thinking about? so distracted and said something that i wasn't suppose to say. what am i thinking. i am tired. ya. tired is the word.

i don't feel like opening up to anybody. i really don't want to. what's the use of opening up to someone but in the end another load of runnish comes out of his or her mouth. and that person uses some stuff to threathen me. even if it was for fun. i'm tired. i want no more of it. i want the respect that i deemed. i have done nothing wrong so far. so why me and not the rest.

why fake that you are ok in front of me when you are not. why? what have i done to deserve all these crap. why cant you just tell me everything? you thinkby lying you are doing me a great favour? well i can tell you. you are not. you are making me feel much worse. much much worse. my head hurts. when will the migrane just go away. i am sick of this. someone whom i thought will be truthful; and whatever it is is caused by the surroundings. is it still that way or am i deceiving myself after i heard those things? i don't know. i hate this load of crap. i give up. i don't wanna hear anymore. you can don't reply me. avoid for all i care. i will just shut up. trying to make me not worry doesnt help a single bit. it sucks. i wanna get out of this.

why am i stuck in that situation. i wanna ba out of it. not to be sandwiched in between people. does anyone know how i feel? or can they read my mind? i don't wanna feel that way but i cant help it. and i can sense the tension and jealousy. why me again. cant i be out of something for at least once. i hate all these. i wanna be alone. free from all these. someone asked me not to think so much. well how am i suppose to do that? it's happening practiacally everyday. am i suppose to be nonchalant and ignorant about it again? never mind maybe i should shut up again.

i don't wanna change class. i am trying my best to make it happened already. for those who are pouring cold water on me. suit me fine alright. at least i knoe that i won't regret cause i did put in some effort. how about you guys. only know hoe to complain everyday and do nothing about it. thinking thatyou guys need people to serve or something. if this thing isnt what it is now, i eon't give a damn at all. not a shit about it. so if you all don't wish to do anything about it, just shut up. really shut up. we don't need any comments or remraks from you.

gonna have a busy week ahead. only left with sunday to rest. crap. real crap. gonne fall sick soon. with the oncoming events. meeting, training, inter-class games,church and sentosa. hoe am i suppose to breath? sighs. i will be kacking lotsa sleep again. oh well, used to it. shan't complain anymore. since i cant stand people complaining nowadays. i meed anger and paitient management class from now on.

i know that my attitude kinda suck at times due to my straightforwardness. i am sorry to those people that i've hurt. i will try to change and become a better person ok? nobody is perfect, i am not. but i will strive to be better than the past.

i don't know how much stuff have i been avoiding already. but i guess i will continue to avoid. sorry rach for not calling you back. kinda forgotten about it plus busy. i know that you are busy also ya. i guess i will go for youth mass this saturday night to make up for some stuff. i just don't wanna see any mroe unhappiness among my friends. i don't wanna be caught in the middle and end up hurting anyone. jon!! don't be sad ya. things will be alrgiht in the end. i hope at least. will continue to pray.

i hope that nessa is ok. really. i have not done anything to make her feel any better, instead i made her feel worst. what kinda friend am i? sorry for avoiding. i will keep you in my prayers alright?

for those that i have ignored and neglected. i am sorry, really sorry. din want it to happen either. it's just that i need some time to clear my head. but obviously it is ont working either. and i don't know how to handle certain stuff regarding you gyus. so it's better to avoid. sorry that i've disappointed, upset and hurt you guys. but i will be fine. at least alive and kicking alright?

madeline.
03031988.
katongconvent.
republic poly.
volleyball.





WISHES
smiles.
grow taller? HAHA.
laptop.
travelling.
uni.
many many other wants. =)



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