SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

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it's almost twelve already. feeling sleepy though i slept for an hour just now. yawns. guess the cough mixture is still making me drowsy. look around me and i see a huge pile of mess that has yet to be touched for like so so so long. k at least it's not dust infested. don't know when will i have the mood to clear it. maybe over the weekends i guess. but then again, me weekends are devoted to my sleep. feeling damn piggish. =(

basically had math and computing module today. surprisingly i finish the worksheet for the first time in history without complaining. haha. cause no more programming is included except for the part that you need to click on the thingy for the dice results. done with it at 12.07. i'm proud of myself though i made mistakes. haha. at least i tried. haha. then went to sleep for awhile. later during and after presentation, was super fed up with some people, cant believe that they did what they did, then after that still pretend nothing has happened. but on the other hand it's quite good. or else i'll feel super awkward cause the only thing i will do is to blow up; after going for toilet visitation with elthea, my face was totally black, it was darker than the clouds outside. and i was practically hitting the wall with my fist already. after reaching class, i swear that i could just yell at that person, lucky i never or else i'll not know what to do next. but i know that that person is scared of my temper. sighs. i need to go for anger management course if there is. i'm losing my temper so easily, but today was an exceptional, elthea was my anger companion. =)

downloaded the song that's always played on hong kong tv serials. was searching for it for quite some time already. "I'm a big big girl in a big big world. it's not a big big thing if you leave me. but i do do feel that i do do will miss you much" sounds mushy though. but i think it's sweet for a sentimental and love song. =) my back aches. guess i didn't do the weight lifting properly that's why, sighs can. cant stretch properly now. but never mind, i will demand for massage from my sister when she recovers. woohoo!!

was searching for a familiar face in the sea of people for many times. but i don't see the face that i'm looking for. i guess i'm disappointed. plus after all that that came to me yesterday, i was just hoping for a glance. i just need tme to absorb it, then think of something. but i don't think you know what exactly happens, and somehow it is unfair to you. sighs. i guess that you are also disppointed in me. cause of what i done when you wanted to take a step forward. i just totally back off. =( sometimes pretending to be ignorant doesn't bring any bliss at all. it brings more misery. in this case, i rather to hear nothing. really, at least then i will still be happy for quite some time. bah. tings just have to pull me out of my daydreams.

it isn't the fate that is harsh. it's the reality that is merciless and cruel. today while walking home, i was thinking of this. and i actually have the thought of just standing in front of the lorry that was speeding towards me. luckily my legs continue functioning. or else i wouldn't be blogging now. haha. i need to get that depressing thought out of me before i start all those rubbish again. =

fought with xian today. initially it was suppose to be a joke and out of playfulness. but later she got pissed off by me cause i refuse to give her sweets. then we started yelling at each other from the top of te stairs ouside our class till we reach block n where she went to meet joan. haha. the arguement consisted of laughters though. luckily she had to go off or else it will really turn into a real big fight. feeling damn grouchy today. in the end she went home early. see see. who ask you to abandon me today. in the end give you the sweets then you just snap me off. bah. but less than half an hour later, someone call me already. woohooo!!!! k so peace was declared again. haha. i cant imagine a real fight occurring ya. when both of our tempers are practically damn fiery and we are like damn similar in scolding and everthing. then the next momwnt we will face black black together. we are damn good at that arent we?

having migranes now. shucks. on the way home, disturbed siying till she almost went berserk. she wanted to breakdown already. uh oh. are we going to far this time plus she's so mood swing. bah. just not our day can. am i am still coughing. whheeee. and i'm proud to admit that i am still feasting on chocolates!! sure to die soon. etither due to diabetes or asthma. =X

why am i rejecting treats that come by my way so often now? shucks i forgot what i wanna say next. i'm either suffering from stm or am already senile at a young age. ermz. lets think. oh ya, maybe it's due to the strings that are attached to it. i just don't wannt plugne into the middle of the pacific ocean knowing that i will probably be eaten by sharks. ermz is there sharks there in the first place when the place is so cold. or get frozen to death. i prefer to stay where i am now. besides i don't like pacific ocean. i prefer sentosa or the pool at a nearby swimming complex?? shucks i sound damn perplex and complicated. maybe siying was right. it's difficult to read my mind cause my thinking is deep and complicated. but the real situation is that all the nerves are tangled up, that explains my messy life. haha. lamo...

was sms-ing cheryl earlier on. she pulled me back to reality. that i've some stuff that i've yet to clear. somethings that i've clean forgotten about. was i really running away from it? i don't know. after receiving that sms, i then realise it. the hurt and the negative consequences has fogged the clear path up. sighs. i know that i'm still hanging on to the past. clinging on. just that i chose to deny it and get pass it. this is also happening on the other side of the story. i guess it's not the time yet. when the time has come, things will resolve by itself and the fog will turn to clear blue sky again.

i seriously need time to solve things. at least i'm plucking up my courage to face it instead of running away again. during this journey, i'm bound to fall hard again. thus, i hope after each fall i'll be stronger than before.i hope that isn't too much to ask for. hmmm. and i hope the people around me will be able to withstand and understand my sudden change in thinking, attitude and moods at any time ya. sorry in advance. and i also hope that new things won't come to me and continus in the compilation of stuff that i already have. i cant take anymore blows for the time being ya. i just want peace for awhile ya. just a teeny weeny while. i hope i can get it. i seriously hope so. sorry to thos who are reading this entry, as it may sound a little overbearing to some. especially this part.

12:48 AM;