SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

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here am i blogging again. rah. i really have the urge to just scream at someone. i feel crappy ok. and that stupid russell goh just had to irritate me to the core just now till i almost yell at him in public. i have to admit that my tears was on the verge of trickiling down. all i wanted was some peace. so why cant he just grant me some. ended up walking much faster to escape from all his nonsense. gonna group with him tomorrow, if he still talks involuntarily, unnescessarily and incestly i will really shout at him already. sorry the surroundings doesn't bother me especially when my mood is just not there. and i am not having pms for goodness sake k! rah! pissed off. why do guys have to be so insensitive like most of the time. and why cant they keep their mouth shut most of the time. =X yes, and today during the break i was trying to sleep, yes i did fall asleep but it was bacause i was way too tired to be bothered, but i could hear the guys talking so loudly although i had my headphones on. like hello. they were jsut playing card games, was it necessary for them to yell their lungs out. urgh! someone please insert some hormones of maturity and sensible into them can? =

my temper's getting from bad to worst as the day passes. mostly due to the oncoming things that keeps flooding to me. urgh. i just need a punching bag for me to vent my anger on. rah! my moods keep changing, from playful to crazy to sleepy to quiet to nonsensical. madness k. i think i am in need of a shrink soon. real soon.

all thanks to the food that i bought yesterday, now my mum and sis is ill. and my sis is like losing so much weight. less than a week back she had high fever for a few days. urgh ok! my fault. sad to see her that way. she cant even drink water. she will puke. freak ok! she can just drink three scoop of water at most. and it's those medicine sppon scoope. freak. =( real devastated.

went to the workshop with iris today, had fun. now my face is damn smooth. was disgusted to see the amount of dusts on our face. eeks ok! she spend like so long cleaning her face, always the last to complete. bah. slow pig! later my dad's friend sent us home or rather my home since iris stayed so close. walked her to the bus stop to send her home, talked quite abit. din know that we have drifted so much. i'm speaking chinese at times and she doesn't at all. looks like i've become more chinese speaking and i wanna switch back to channel 5! rah! gave her a hug before she boarded the bus. still felt a little distant though. sighs!! how time flies. now we are in different schools and it's gonne be much harder for us to meet and so on. =( askd her to plan an outing for our group and ended up getting scolding from her. she told me that i was a factor to her organising cause i am always busy. bah! sad! =(

urgh. my toenail is coming off can! can it jsut come off like now and stop hesitating. k i'm speaking as if the tie has a brain function to sense all these. = total madness. was super playful today, was spraying tea on the road with my straw! woohoo! siying got so scared of me! haha. i need to inject myself with some sanity medicine. or am i already a patient of the imh? wahaha. = ya. and the abrasion on my knee still hurts ok! there's gonna be a blue-black soon. or rather an additional one to the last week! sighs. pain k!

if i've snapped at anyone this few days. which i probably did and in fact a lot of people, i am sorry ok? i just cant contain anymore at times. like owner like lobs. xian and i was like super sian and damn bad mood after something happened to her and she knew that she has wasted an oppotunity. i was hoping that she could make me feel better ok. rah! sighs. things are just not going our way ok! and it's not fair. oh well life was never fair in the first place. there's a bug on my screen now. ew!! i don't wanna touch it. i'll blow it away. one..two..three..WHOOO!!!! fly away bug. go away!

nessa. kinda sorry for what i wrote ya. but i guess sometimes we really need to reflect on what we say and do and whether it's gonna affect anyone and how does it affect that person ya. sicne you study lit you should know what i mean ya? always put yourself in the shoes of others and spare a thought for their feelings ya? i'm not pin-pointing you or anything. i'm a sinner myself so ya. but there's always room for improvements. =)

ok. xian found out the content of the paragraph that i'd typed with white fonts. i don't know how she do it. cause my right click doesnt hightlight my content. she's probably th only one that can do it. or maybe not. i don't know. up till now i still don't know how she did it. but she made everything seem so easy and difficult at the same time. urgh. forget it. she's it-savy and i arent. and i am not gonna deny it. at least i know that i can trust her with the content, so i aint exactly worried about it ya. =) but just kinda angry at first, cause i din want to make known of everything so quickly. but nvm. she's my owner after all and we are on the same boat. and again i trust her! oh er. xian. u are suppose to accompany me for the next few days after school, you said it yourself!!! ahahah. don't try to shirk responsibilities.. heehee. =X

just when i was blogging, the whole thing got disconnected, lucky i can connect back, or else i will be super irritated again. just seem to be damn impatient nowadays. tomorrow got ut. shucks can. i am not even prepared or anything. this is gonna be like my least perpared ut. but nvm. there's nth to study anyway. except for the fact of analsying? linking facts together? and the way our brain think? or rather the thinking process that brings us to certain conclusions. i feel like pon-ing for tomorrow's lesson again. my movie addiction has began again. urgh! i am just craving for movies ok! cause it's the other thing that can make me think of certain stuff. am i becoming more and more like a coward that is running away from things?

should i listen to xian? urgh. my whole mind is in a whirl now. and it's about to be in a turn off mode soon soon. and my eyes are shutting on me too! darn tired. bah! i just cant seem to get what i am thinking off my head o matter how much i try. it's really affecting me this time round. but why? am i really dead serious about it this time? this is so isnt me. really isnt me to be tied down and caught up by this. ignorance is bliss. i may appear to be. but i am not ok. i do wanna make the situation better. but i don't know how. but is xian's solution the only solution. rah! i don't know. i don't wanna think of the aftermath. but i know that she's my interest at heart. so maybe i should just listen. urgh! just give me some time to think it over with a clear mind. i swear that i am not even thinking properly now. xian, i still feel like doing what i told you this afternoon. but i know that after doing that i have to bear a lot of consequences. but i don't feel like bothering about it anymore. i don't know k. i wanna sleep this away. =(

8:25 AM;