SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

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bah.din blog like for three days already and it seems like eternity. i guess it's just bacause of what's happening around me that makes life seems so terrible at times. but there're definitely happenings that brightens my days too. but i guess it's too many to mention, so i'll just mention summarise it.=)

becoming a pig soon. but i lack lotsa sleep. sighs. like gonna lose my voice soon. that's bad. then coughing like mad. then my nose is like a non-stop water tap. haha. bah. when will it run out of water. and i'm having on and off fever. terrible feeling. but still went to school though. had UTs which i am probably gonna fail or just score very averagely. sighs. what a week.

pz said that the white thingy is nice and i shouldn't change it to black. woohoo! save time!! but she said that my entries looks like essay. bah. ok. woah. yesterday was xian chasing me off to bed. today it was my mum. that's what you get for not being well. sleep more. but i chose to blog first. too many things to say. while xian was chasing me off to ber i irritated her by putting so many sheeps saying bye bye. wahaha. in the end she counted sheeps before sleeping can. haha. see i am so nice by doing that. in the end after studying for my UT, i slept at like 2 plus. sighs. that aggravated my conditiona a little i guess. =(

i think that these few days my temper had been like super hot or something. i'm so not pms-ing k! whenever someone just pissed me off, i end up giving a black face and started yellnig at that person or just give a super sacarstic remark. guess it's cause my lack of sleep which is givng me on-and-offheadaches, plus i am sick and i am thinking of so many stuff that i can't just solve. i think i scared some senior off while she sat at the bench getting ready for training(i was sitting at the upper bench talking to xian about some stuff that really pissed me off), then she looked at me while wearing her shoes or guards. when she saw me looking at her, she immediately turned back very quickly. damn have i been that scary for the whole of these week? xian commented that i am like super fierce for the past few days.

again brought my stuff for training. but ended up just sitting on the bench and not playing. sighs. my skills is already like so bad and i am still skipping training. felt quite bad about it. but really had no choice. was having slight fever at that point of time. went off at about 7 plus. thanks zhijun and sihui for your concern! so sweet can! before training zhijun asked if i was ok, then asked me to consult the doctor asap and so on. then today saw sihui at the toilet, then she asked about my condition. haha. thanks guys. it's great to know that you guys care! =)

went for dinner with xian today. went to seoul garden. darn the soup thingy. it was like becoming burnt, and i just couldn't smell it cause of the flu. it went for a few minutes and the both of us din know anything. then the manager immediately came over to put out the thingy or maybe that's called the fire. but i don't see any fire. anyways. so embarrassing ok! mans. i din dare to look around for quite some time after that. oh did i mention that she has the same dialect as me. so coincidental can! then we started to compare our dads. ok identical characters. concluded that all the guys in our dialects are like that. at least that's for both of our dads, and was saying that we maybe long-lost cousin. wahaha. funny can! oh and my ancestors migrated from yunnan to other parts of china, to malaysia then singapore. and i have houses in china and malaysia also. so cool right. but it's not as if i will stay there. hee. i am a patriotic soul. like real. wahaha. =X

today's module was a disaster too. my team didn't perform that well, or least up to our expectations. and the faci's too. damn. sighs. that was when all the depressive feelings starting befalling on me. sighs. be's going to be the fouth faci hinting to me that. rah. their expectations are becoming higher and higher. =( i hope i can really put in more effort and determination to do well. i must do it. i know that i can do it. must have faith in myself before the battle towards success!! =)

sads. after so long, i am still debating about which way to choose. how does it feel to have what you want right in front of you, but you just can't do anything about it. is it too unreachable or is it just simply untouchable? am i too unrelistic that's why? for the time being, i know what i want. but it seems impossible to attain it. i can just keep everything in silence, without expressing anything at all. i don't have a choice. things are beginning to take off and i don't want to spoil it. sighs. i want to give up. i know that it's kinda stupid. but i am afraid ya. very extremely afraid. what should i do?

just spoke to yonglong about a jr that was transferred to his private school. sighs. i guess i expected it. but still i was hoping that there would be exceptionals. she kept on skipping school and isn't studying at all i guess, and she skipped from n levels straight to o levels. don't know how is she gonna cope. and the big os are coming already. no matter how hard yonglong tried to persuade her to study, she just won't. and she has been clubbing and drinking so much. will she listen to me if it was me talknig to her instead of him? don't know. feel quite helpless now. want to help her but don't now how to. sighs .

met jon heng today at the bus-stop. i should be thankful that i missed the bus or else i wouldn't have met him. he asked why am i mia-ing for so long. i just gave him some excuses. the fact is that i don't want to go and face up to reality for some stuff. sighs. took the same bus as him in the end; talked about hoe the youth group was going on. was shocked when i heard the reply. again i am disappointed. i thought that the group was united and working in harmony. but right noe war is raging and hatred has become the core feeling that most of how the team members felt. was stunned to hear some really stuff that's going on. was it fated that i left just in time to escape the whole situation? i wish to help. but what rights do i have? after all i was just a new member and i have been missing for so long. sighs. i'm sad about the stuff that i heard although it doesn't affect me directly. something which appears to be so strong is actually so fragile. he asked me to read the youth msn group's webpage. should i? i don't wish to be further disappointed. he told me that jon desker's comment was very sad and it was full of disappointment, while his is full of anger. sighs. has things really gotten out of hand? should i step in at this point of time? =(

2:40 AM;